Indecent Proposal
by elarielf
Summary: Based off a prompt from cgkinkmemeii. As a condition to agreeing to the SAZ, Zero demands one night a week with Suzaku, which Suzaku altruistically agrees to. He isn't entirely surprised when things turn sexual, but he is surprised at the care and effort Zero puts into making sure Suzaku's enjoying himself. M/M, dub con, manipulation, BDSM-flavour, pseudo-infidelity/polyamory
1. An Offer You Can't Refuse

Euphy wasn't the one who asked. Suzaku would always be grateful for that, because he couldn't even imagine how awkward that would have been.

Instead, it had been Cornelia, practical and clearly mystified by the request, who brought it to Suzaku's attention.

"It's one night a week, no other conditions, to stop all this bloodshed between the Elevens and the Britannians, to make Zero agree to the Special Area Zone and stand down the Black Knights. Prince Schneizel agreed to the rest of Zero's terms, but Princess Euphemia was adamant that you should be allowed to refuse."

Suzaku found he agreed with Cornelia on one point; he had no idea _why_ Zero would ask for him, of all people. "I agree to it, your highness, of course, but do you have any idea what Zero wants?"

Cornelia snorted. "Knowing him it could be anything from keeping tabs on us through interrogating you, to needing a fourth player for bridge. He's promised no lasting injuries, as long as you behave."

That sounded ominous, especially coming from Cornelia's uncaring, firm voice.

In fact, it was Cornelia's last line that rang through Suzaku's mind as he entered Zero's chambers, determined to do what he could for the people of Area 11 _and_ the Japanese. 'Lasting injuries' only ruled out so much, and the caveat that he would have to behave to ensure even that small promise was unnerving.

Suzaku let out a sigh of mixed relief and confusion when Zero wasn't there. Instead, there was an open bottle of champagne chilling beside two glasses and a bowl of strawberries. Draped over the back of one of the chairs was a fluffy white robe with a letter pinned on it.

_Suzaku Kururugi,_

_Please make yourself comfortable while you wait. I shouldn't be delayed more than half an hour._

_Zero._

_P.S. By 'make yourself comfortable', I meant remove your clothes and dress in the robe, and have a glass of champagne and some strawberries. Just in case that was unclear._

_P.P.S. Those weren't suggestions._

Suzaku considered bolting. The Lancelot was close enough that he could get to it and return within the half-hour, and take on Zero at his own game. The idea would have more merit, if it hadn't been for the fact that if he did, Britannia would be in breach of contract over a peace treaty, and the Black Knights would likely avenge Zero with as much, if not more, passion then they had fought up to this point.

But Zero was being far from subtle. And Suzaku… really wasn't looking forward to this.

Of course, there was always the chance that this was all just a ruse, to make him uncomfortable. Zero had tried 'seducing' Suzaku before, saving him from a false accusation and the promise of execution or, at best, Britannian prison, and offering him a chance to fight at his side. This could easily just be a much softer and gentler seduction.

Not that it mattered. Until Zero pushed past what Suzaku could stand, Suzaku would play his little games. And Suzaku might not have prided himself on many things, but there wasn't much he wasn't willing to bear, if it meant saving innocent lives.

And wearing a bathrobe and eating fruit weren't even close to his limits. Suzaku stripped, folding his uniform properly, and poured himself a glass of champagne before biting into one of the strawberries. He considered filling the other glass, but decided not to do anything other than what he was directed to do. That included sitting, so when Zero walked in, he was greeted with the sight of Suzaku standing with a strawberry in one hand, a champagne flute in the other, barefoot and draped in fluffy white cotton.

He laughed. Suzaku felt himself flush, despite the fact that the laughter was far from cruel or menacing. It almost sounded like Zero had been startled into it, despite being the one who ordered it.

"I must admit, I didn't expect you to be quite so… pliant," Zero said, approaching the table. "I had expected at least a token resistance."

Suzaku shrugged. "I'm not going to fight you just for the sake of fighting. I'm saving it for when it's needed."

"Wise," Zero said, his tone wry even though the mask's strange amplification. "Save your strength for times of necessity. I must admit, should you have chosed to struggle, you'd easily overcome me." Zero poured the champagne into the second glass and gestured towards the bed. "Hence the chains."

Suzaku's mouth dried up as he noticed them for the first time. He'd seen them when he'd walked in but overlooked them, thinking them just patterns of decoration on the quilt. Now, looking again, it was clear that they were physical, metal, and fixed to the wall and footboard of the bed.

They looked secure. In fact, Suzaku's trained eye guessed that the weakest point would actually be the wall, even if they were fixed to a wall stud. Unless the stud was made out of dense steel as well.

Zero waited silently for Suzaku to turn back to him. "Is this some sort of game?"

"Of course," Zero said, patiently. "But not one you can win. You can only break even, or lose in a different way. It's up to you."

Suzaku felt his hands clench into fists. He could do this. He _would_ do this, but Zero would have to order him. He wasn't walking into this without being forced. There was no way he was going to let Zero get away with thinking this was anything other than what it was.

Zero didn't seem to have a problem with that. "Suzaku Kururugi, pilot of the Lancelot, Knight to Euphemia li Britannia, son of Genbu Kururugi… chain yourself on your knees and elbows to my bed."

Suzaku closed his eyes. Zero didn't even sound threatening or excited. His voice was even, almost gentle. But it was implacable, leaving no room for debate. Suzaku could have pleaded for leniency, for mercy, but he couldn't imagine it coming from such a hard and unreasonable man as Zero and…

…and if this was the price Zero demanded, the subjugation of the man who had ruined so many of his plans, then it was worth it for the peace the SAZ would bring to Japan.

Suzaku's legs didn't shake as he approached the bed. His hands never trembled as they clamped the padded manacles around his ankles. And when Zero approached him, placing the champagne flute on the bedside table and helped Suzaku with the wrist manacles, he didn't flinch from the guiding touch.

The feel of Zero's leather gloves over his skin made Suzaku's stomach roil, but he grit his teeth and stared down at the pillow. He would bear this for Euphy, for Japan, for his friends. He was determined, steadfast, sure in his decision.

And then Zero placed the blindfold over his eyes.

If there had been warning, Suzaku might have been able to take the loss of vision without offering up any reaction. But the suddenness and his unpreparedness triggered his fight-or-flight reactions, and he twisted before his brain engaged, pulling at his chains as he tried to buck the blindfold and any alien touch off. He didn't scream, because even his subconscious was sure it wouldn't help, but a deep growl emerged from somewhere instinctive inside of him and he fought against the restraints.

His heart raced and his blood boiled, hammering in his ears, but below that, he could hear a soothing voice murmuring something comforting, and fingers – soft, human, bare fingers – carding through his hair. It wasn't much, he was still chained and blind, but it was enough to remind him of where he was, what his place was, what his duty was.

"There," Zero whispered, his voice sounding much younger without the mask. "There, see? You're okay. I'm not going to hurt you, Suzaku. I would never hurt you."

_Then what was this_? Suzaku didn't ask. It wasn't entirely fair, in any case. The manacles were padded and, even after thrashing around, Suzaku doubted he'd have anything more than bruises. This didn't _hurt_, technically, despite how shamed Suzaku felt. He bit back any response he could have made and forced himself still again, under Zero's hands.

Zero pressed his lips to Suzaku's cheek, carefully bending his body out of the range of Suzaku's chained hands. "Isn't that better? You must have known I wouldn't let you see my face, Suzaku. I can't be expected to explain _everything_ to you."

Was this punishment for making Zero order him to do the obvious? Suzaku didn't care. It wasn't his job to make this _easier_ on Zero.

Zero kissed him again, his lips slightly curved. "It's alright, though. You'll learn. You're smarter than you give yourself credit for." He pulled away, running his hands over Suzaku's robed back. "I've wanted this for so long. I can be patient for a little longer."

Suzaku tensed as Zero's hand moved over his ass and disappeared, only to tug the hem of the robe out from under Suzaku's legs. Zero clucked his tongue in disappointment.

"You left your underwear on. That just speaks to your lack of foresight." He tossed the dress of the robe over Suzaku's shoulders, exposing his legs and lower back, except for where Suzaku's briefs covered him. "But I was rather prepared for this." Suzaku's sharp hearing detected the soft _snick_ of a switchblade opening. "Don't move."

Suzaku did as ordered. The cool blade occasionally bushed against his skin as Zero cut away his underwear, but it never felt like it was cutting in.

"We're done," Zero said with satisfaction as Suzaku felt his underwear fall away, leaving him exposed. "Oh, Suzaku. If you could just see yourself…"

There was an awed reverence to Zero's voice, and when he touched Suzaku again, his fingers tracing over the curve of Suzaku's buttocks, his touch was lighter, less certain.

The press of lips to the small of Suzaku's back was a surprise, and Suzaku bucked forward, grunting.

"Oh!" Zero sounded delighted. "Did you like that?" He licked where he had kissed, and then blew over it, and Suzaku tensed up, willing his body to ignore the strangely erotic sensations that shot up and down his spine. "What else do you like?" Zero's voice was curious now, his hands gripping Suzaku's buttocks more firmly. "What have you already done, Suzaku?"

Suzaku stayed silent. Zero's tone and grip hardened. "Answer me, Suzaku. What have you done?"

There was no point in attempting to misinterpret that. Zero had all night with him, and Suzaku was literally at his mercy. "I've had sex with girls, women. No men." Not until now, at least. "Always used a condom. I had a blowjob, once. I ate them out, more often." He tried vulgarity, hoping that made it seem less alluring. "Penis-in-vagina sex, mostly. Anal once, didn't really like it as much." That was only partially true. Suzaku mostly got off on making his partners get off, and the girl he'd tried anal with hadn't gotten much out of it. It felt great; different, but great; but Suzaku had pulled out before coming, switched condoms and got her off vaginally, which she had enjoyed far more.

Suzaku took some comfort in that. He'd had more than a handful of sexual partners in his life, but he'd never do what Zero was doing, taking from an unwilling participant.

"What did you like?" Zero asked.

Suzaku thought about it. "I liked the control I got from using my fingers and tongue." The girls had generally liked it too. "The blowjob was good. Kissing is always nice…" The more he could steer Zero away from thinking about putting penises _inside_ anything, the better.

"Hmm… the blowjob is out of the question with you tied like this. I just can't find a safe way to manage it. And I'm not quite ready to trust your mouth." Zero sighed. "I suppose I'll have to work this through myself."

Zero's mouth returned to the base of Suzaku's spine, this time with light teeth and wet, open kisses. Suzaku had only rarely had anyone pay this kind of attention to him, and even then never to this area. He shifted, biting back a groan that turned into a deep moan as Zero's hand reached around and wrapped itself around his cock, using a light touch to get it from basically flaccid to half-hard.

"Tell me what you want."

Suzaku stayed silent, not out of stubbornness, but because he honestly didn't know what to say. He was getting a handjob and some strangely enjoyable attention in a place he'd never considered an erogenous zone. What more could he want?

Apparently, that wasn't enough for Zero, who squeezed Suzaku's erection harder. "Suzaku, talk to me."

"I don't – _hah_ – know what you want me to say," Suzaku gasped out. "M-more? Harder? What?"

The bed dipped on either side of him as Zero climbed up behind him. His hips pressed against Suzaku's legs and ass and Suzaku realized he'd gotten naked at some point. "All I've ever wanted from you, Suzaku, was the truth." He nipped at Suzaku's ear and thrust lightly against him.

Suzaku wasn't sure he liked the last bit, but Zero's hand was still around his cock, and it was hard not to like that, even in this position. And it wasn't like he had a choice in the matter. "Just… keep going. This is good."

The moment the words were out of his mouth, Suzaku regretted them. It was like giving permission, telling Zero this was okay. It wasn't okay, no matter how good it felt, how long it had been since another person had touched Suzaku with the intent to do anything but hurt…

"Ah…" Suzaku tried to cut off the gasp before it turned into a scream as Zero's hand sped up at the same moment his teeth sunk into the meat where Suzaku's neck joined his shoulder. Too many sensations, too much at once, the pleasure/pain of it all frying the neurons in his brain as his stupid body climaxed, muscles clenching and stars forming behind his eyelids. Zero clung to him throughout it, riding Suzaku's orgasm to its completion, and only releasing Suzaku's shoulder once the tremors had stopped.

Suzaku felt wrung out. He managed to keep himself propped up on his knees and elbows, even with Zero draped over him like a hot and heavy blanket, but his arms trembled and tears formed behind his closed eyes. It shouldn't have been that easy. He should have fought, resisted, even if only by reacting less to Zero's touch.

The soft sigh of satisfaction from Zero only made Suzaku's shame burn harder. Suzaku could feel him, hard and wanting, thrusting lightly between Suzaku's legs, against the soft skin of Suzaku's inner thighs. Suzaku bowed his head, ready for whatever price Zero would extract from him.

Zero pressed a kiss where he had bitten Suzaku, soothing the area with lips and breath. "You were wonderful."

Suzaku kept his head bowed, waiting for the next step. Zero gently guided him down to the bed, unfortunately making Suzaku lie in the wet spot, and curled up beside him, one leg draped over Suzaku's hip, humming contentedly.

He was still hard. Suzaku couldn't relax as long as that erection was pressed against him, but this position would make doing anything about it next to impossible. It took the better part of half and hour for Suzaku to realize what they were doing.

They were cuddling.

Zero seemed to want nothing more, for now, than to be close to Suzaku, to nuzzle at the small hairs at the nape of his neck, to press his chest against Suzaku's side and wrap his arms around his chest. The chains were still there, uncomfortable reminders of Suzaku's position, but other than that, this was nothing more than typical post-coital cuddling.

Except that Zero was still hard.

None of this made any sense. It continued to make no sense when Zero, with a sigh of regret, untangled himself and dressed, unlocking Suzaku's wrists while keeping the manacles closed.

"I'm sure you'll figure the latches soon enough," Zero said, his voice back to the patient professionalism he'd shown before. "There's a shower with fresh towels if you'd like, and you can either leave or rest here for the night." There was a small hesitation, as if he wanted to add something more, and then the swish of cloth and the sound of a door opening and closing. Suzaku was alone.

He freed himself and stumbled to the bathroom, checking himself in the full-length mirror. His eyes were red from the silent tears, and his shoulder was starting to bruise where Zero had bitten him, but the skin wasn't broken and there were no other marks on him, even on his wrists or ankles. He pressed a finger against the bruise and winces as it throbbed. It wasn't painful as much as it was aching, a reminder of…

Suzaku cock twitched. Suzaku released the bruise and blood flowed back into it, shooting an odd, arousing sensation down his spine. It felt good. Just like what Zero had done.

Suzaku just made it to the toilet before throwing up, glaring at the bits of strawberries in the toilet bowl. A moment of weakness, that was all. He'd get through this, like he'd gotten through everything before. He had a whole week to come to terms with it.

He set his jaw and showered, scrubbing harder than usual, but otherwise just showering. He refused to use any of the soaps provided, not wanting the scents to remind him of anything.

Then he dressed and left and that was that.


	2. Escalation of Commitment

By the next week, Suzaku had talked himself into going back to Zero again. The SAZ was far from perfect, with the overwhelming response from the Elevens wanting to be registered as Japanese causing bureaucratic back-up and the skyrocketing housing and rental prices in Tokyo from profiteers, but the lives saved from the cessation of hostilities made it all worthwhile.

Made _this_ all worthwhile.

Again, Zero wasn't in the room, but neither were the champagne and robe. Instead, the room was bare of accessories, save for the chains attached to the bed.

And another note, placed artistically between the chains.

_Suzaku,_

_Please remove all your clothing this time and chain yourself positioned on your back. I should be there soon._

_Zero_

No cutesy little P.S.'s, no exact time, just the vague 'soon', nothing to make Suzaku at all comfortable.

It was, oddly enough, more comforting than the romantic gestures of the previous week.

Suzaku followed the orders, getting his ankles in easily enough and one of his wrists, but struggling with the last one when Zero walked in carrying nothing but the blindfold. Suzaku's stomach clenched mostly, but not quite entirely, out of fear.

"Well done," Zero said, approaching the side off the bed and helping Suzaku with the last wrist manacle. "Head up, please." Suzaku bent his neck as ordered, remaining calm as Zero placed the blindfold over his eyes and, after removing that damned mask, kissed his forehead. "There. You're fine. Just relax."

There was more laxity to the chains this time, giving Suzaku's legs more freedom of movement. His arms were still stretched to the point of near strain, but he had the freedom to close his legs, hiding what he could from view.

He should have expected Zero to take that freedom away.

There was a short pause as Zero stripped, then the sound of a heavy drawer opening and the rattling of more chains. "Spread your legs for me, Suzaku."

Zero's leather-clad hands were gentle as he guided Suzaku's knees until Suzaku was spread, frog-legged, with padded chains securing his knees open and pressed against the mattress in a position that was uncomfortable, but not painful.

"Oh." For long moments, Zero said nothing, removing his gloves to smooth his hands up and down Suzaku's inner thighs, his breathing soft but audible and fast. Once his hands left Suzaku's body, Suzaku tensed in anticipation, but nothing stimulated any of his remaining senses until he heard the sound of a camera. Suzaku flinched, hating the idea of a record of this humiliation almost as much as the idea of the humiliation itself.

"You have no idea how good you look," Zero said, taking a few more pictures. "Like a dream come true." Apparently, that was all the patience he had to spare, because he put aside the camera and returned to Suzaku's body, kissing his stomach and chest, running his nails lightly over Suzaku's thighs and side, pressing his erection against any part of Suzaku close enough to get some kind of friction.

Suzaku took some pride in resisting this time, remaining flaccid as Zero worshipped his body with lips and fingers and cock. Eventually, Zero made it up to Suzaku's lips and kissed him lightly, still holding true to his promise of not trusting Suzaku's mouth quite yet.

"I'm going to suck you off," Zero said, breathless and excited, sounding oddly young. "How do you like it?"

Suzaku could feel his fingernails digging into the palms of his hands in frustration. "Why are you doing this? Why don't you just take what you want?"

Zero stilled, his frantic motions stopped by Suzaku's plea. "I am." He kissed Suzaku's forehead, his cheek, the tip of his nose. "I want your pleasure."

He moved down Suzaku's body, trailing down light, teasing kisses, nothing like his frantic actions. Suzaku wanted the mindless rutting back, not this lie of tenderness and care.

As if reading Suzaku's mind, Zero smiled against his stomach, just under his navel. "I'll make this good for you, Suzaku. I promise." He dipped his head, his nose trailing through Suzaku's pubic hair, his breath hot and eager, wafting over Suzaku's skin.

"Zero, please…" Suzaku begged, not sure what he was begging for.

"Shh," Zero said. "Don't worry. I'll take care of you." And wet sucking heat surrounded the head of Suzaku's cock as Zero went down on him.

Suzaku wanted.

He wanted to grab Zero's hair and direct his mouth to the best angle, he wanted to buck up into the heat of Zero's mouth, he wanted Zero off him, he wanted to run away and never return.

He wanted to beg for more, for Zero to stop; to be released, to find release. He wanted to cry out in wordless joy, wordless hate, anger and guilt and gratitude and resentment.

He wanted, and he repressed those wants, tightening his fists until he could feel a trickle of blood from his nails digging into his flesh, biting his lip until it bled to keep all but the most strangulated sounds from passing his lips. Zero kept going, moaning around Suzaku's length as he took in more and more with each pass, occasionally stopping to suckle at the head, tongue the slit, once even pulling off entirely to kiss and suck at Suzaku's balls.

He tried everything, and Suzaku's body loved every moment; every swipe of tongue, every light graze of teeth, every suck, every vibration from Zero's moans. He was hard and leaking when Zero finally pulled away, panting and breathless, leaving Suzaku to bite back an instinctive complaint as the cold air hit his cock.

The sound of the camera brought a hot flush to Suzaku's cheeks, and Zero sighed, snapping more pictures before placing the camera aside again and returning to Suzaku's erection. He'd gotten his breath back and, as he'd apparently been working up to it, after a few long sucks he managed to take Suzaku down his throat, swallowing around him as his nose pressed against Suzaku's groin.

It was too much. Suzaku had been fighting off orgasm, but the shock was enough that he found himself spilling down Zero's throat without any control, his pulse thudding in his ears. He felt the loss as Zero pulled off, but that didn't stop him from coming over his chest and abdomen, pulling against his leg restraints as he tried to arch his back. Under the roar of his pulse and the mental scream of frustrated release, Suzaku could hear Zero grunting as well, and a new series of warm spurts coated Suzaku's stomach, from a different angle.

When Suzaku recovered, the first thing he noticed was the sound of the camera going off again, followed by the soreness in his hands from where he'd broken through his skin and his legs where he'd strained against the restraints. After Zero put the camera away and freed Suzaku's knees, he curled up beside him, his cock soft against Suzaku's side.

Suzaku tried to escape as much as he could, shifting his hips away. Zero sighed and let him move. "I'm sorry. I should have asked first, I couldn't help it."

At least Suzaku hadn't had to watch it. He wasn't sure how he'd feel if seeing Zero come undone made his own orgasm better.

Zero continued running his fingers through Suzaku's hair, resting his head on Suzaku's shoulder. Suzaku could _feel_ Zero's eyes on him, even if he couldn't see them.

After about half an hour, Zero kissed his cheek and stood, releasing Suzaku's left manacle. "The shower is free. Have a nice week."

By the time Suzaku freed himself, the semen had smeared over his chest and stomach, his and Zero's mingling into a single sticky mess. This time he didn't even bother looking over himself, ignoring the blood on his hands and the half-crescent indents through his palms and the bruises on his knee. No lasting injuries was the deal, and even Suzaku's self-inflicted cuts would heal in days.

He showered off and dressed, refusing to look himself in the mirror on the way out. Zero had left the photographs on the table. Suzaku didn't look at them either.

In fact, over the next six days, Suzaku found himself avoiding his reflection whenever he could, unable to meet his own eyes. He had training exercises with the Lancelot, a few press conferences standing behind Princess Euphemia, the occasional meeting with some of the Black Knights (including Toudou but never Zero), and his fitness regimen. He could have found time to visit with Lelouch and Nunnally and everyone at Ashford, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He felt unsteady, uncertain, and if anyone asked the wrong questions, especially Lelouch, Suzaku wasn't sure he could hide what was happening.

Still, it was for the best. It had to be. Suzaku had to keep believing in that.

Over the next month, Suzaku watched Tokyo transform into the SAZ of Japan, as Britannians and Honorary Britannians and Japanese came together in relative harmony. There were issues that cropped up, growing pains, as Zero called them, but overall between the careful watch of the Britannian royal family and Zero and the Black Knights things were moving more smoothly than expected.

Suzaku's weekly visits escalated gradually, but never ended without Suzaku coming at least once. He'd tried his best one week, jerking off repeatedly before arriving, using pain and thoughts of Nunnally's pity and Kallen's disappointment and Lelouch's disgust to try to stave off orgasm. Zero had played with him that night for hours before finally wringing an orgasm out, one that was equally unsatisfying to both of them.

The next week, Zero made Suzaku come three times, twice with his hand and once with his mouth. They'd cuddled afterward with Zero whispering about how much better that had been, hadn't it? Suzaku hadn't answered, but when Zero kissed his lips, Suzaku kissed him back.

It would have been simpler if Zero had been crueller. He had reason enough to resent Suzaku, after everything they'd done against each other, but none of that came out in their time together. Even Zero's occasional distance, his cool voice and the touch of his leather-clothed fingers, seemed as much to protect himself as to keep Suzaku at arm's length.

He'd said he'd wanted this for a long time. Sometimes, when Zero held him and caressed him, Suzaku could almost believe that Zero was in love with him. But that didn't change the fact that the only reason Suzaku came to his bed week after week was to ensure the peace treaty remained strong.

"You know that, right?" Suzaku asked after he and Zero had finished (at least their first round, that was no longer a guarantee of the night being over) and Zero was spooned up behind him, one hand tracing along Suzaku's chest and side, the other kneading through his hair as his lips peppered soft kisses against the nape of Suzaku's neck. "You know I'm only here for the peace treaty."

"I know." Zero's hand slid up Suzaku's chest, cupping his chin and turning his face up for a kiss, over his shoulder. "It's still more than I ever thought I'd have."

Suzaku still wasn't sure why Zero had wanted him in the first place, or why he was content with this when Suzaku left his chambers still hating him (well, mostly. The SAZ and the new peace had endeared Suzaku somewhat to both the terrorists and their leaders) and returning only because he had to.

But there was no doubt that Zero _was_ satisfied. He never lost his patience, kept asking Suzaku for what he wanted, what he liked, and did his best to give Suzaku what pleasure he could. He improved with practice, to the point that Suzaku would have considered him a considerate lover, in any other context. Suzaku often left Zero's chambers in a confused mess of satisfaction and disturbed guilt. He never told Euphemia or anyone else what went on behind Zero's closed doors, and Zero seemed just as discreet, which almost made things worse, as if this was some shameful secret they were both hiding.

Speaking of shameful secrets, Zero hadn't once let Suzaku see his face. He continued taking pictures and leaving them for Suzaku to see, as if proving that Suzaku was enjoying himself to Suzaku, and Suzaku kept leaving them behind, untouched. Zero was never in any of the pictures, not even a hand or leg. But Suzaku had figured out some things.

Zero was skinny, much thinner than he appeared. He either shaved very carefully before his encounters with Suzaku or he was young enough to not have a lot of facial hair. His fingers were long and strangely calloused, like a musician's rather than a soldier's. He wasn't strong, but he could be quick when startled. He was a fast learner, and read Suzaku well, despite the blindfold.

He really liked kissing, especially when Suzaku kissed back.

It was that last discovery that gave Suzaku an idea, driven by curiosity and the determination to take back some control.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

"You're not prepared." Zero sounded disappointed. Suzaku couldn't blame him; this was the first time since their first time that Suzaku hadn't followed instructions. The chains lay unused on the bed and Suzaku was still clothed.

"You keep asking me what I want," Suzaku said. "I'm ready to answer."

He wished he could see Zero's face, read if he was surprised or pleased or something completely different. As it was, all he had to go on was the slight pause before Zero answered.

"Well?"

"I want to touch you." Zero leaned back against the wall, his posture relaxed and uncaring. Suzaku didn't believe it for a second. "I want to feel your skin, hold you while you move, catch your release in my hand." Suzaku felt his face flush. He was being far more explicit than usual, and it was hard. "I don't want to be your sex toy any longer. I want to participate."

Zero didn't move for a long moment, and Suzaku wondered if he'd pushed too far, too fast.

"You could kill me with your bare hands."

"That's a risk you take every time you're alone with me," Suzaku pointed out. "You asked what I wanted, and that's it. And I think you want it too."

Belying his relaxed posture, Zero's hands fiddled anxiously with the blindfold, lending credence to Suzaku's suspicion that he was young enough to be naturally clean-shaven. Suzaku didn't wait for an answer, and strode forward, taking Zero's gloved hands in his and guiding them towards Suzaku's face, pressing the blindfold against his eyes.

"Go on."

Zero's hands slid out from Suzaku's grip and tied the blindfold off. Suzaku's heart skipped a beat in anticipation, and he wondered when he'd become so well-trained to start _anticipating_ this.

"There are rules," Zero said, his voice changing as he took off his mask. "You are not to remove the blindfold. You are not to leave. You are not to–"

"Can I kiss you?" Suzaku interrupted.

"Oh." Zero's voice sounded suddenly breathy. "I… I suppose…"

Suzaku tried to convince himself that permission wasn't the same thing as orders, and used a hand around Zero's nape to guide himself to Zero's lips.

Hmm… just a shade taller than Suzaku, two or three inches…

"Suzaku." Zero grabbed at Suzaku's lapels, deepening the kiss into something hot and desperate and Suzaku stopped calculating and allowed himself to sink into the simple world of sensations. He hadn't done anything like this for so long. Being chained and held down was different than being active and participating, but it hadn't been so long that Suzaku forgot what to do.

He backed Zero against the wall, careful and gentle, more guiding than pushing. Zero was surprisingly pliant, and Suzaku wondered if this was what he'd wanted as well.

They undressed, a little. Zero's ridiculous cape fell to the floor and both he and Suzaku nearly tripped over it. Suzaku's dress tunic followed it, then his tie and Zero's ascot thing (which was easier to tear off him than Suzaku had suspected). There was still precious little skin-to-skin contact, and the openings to Zero's outfit weren't placed in any logical or easily accessed location, far too hidden for Suzaku to find without being able to use his eyes.

There was, however, an easy way around that. Suzaku dropped to his knees and Zero gasped, his fingers threading through Suzaku's hair as Suzaku mouthed at the bulge in the front of his pants.

"Let me," Suzaku said. "Please."

He wasn't sure if it was the 'please', or if Zero just wanted it as much as Suzaku did, but there was a soft curse and then Zero was fumbling his pants open, freeing his cock before returning his hands to Suzaku's hair. Suzaku smiled as he leaned forward, his mouth watering in anticipation. "Thank you."

Zero was ominously silent as Suzaku took him in, only his hard breathing and the eager little twitches of his hips relaying his pleasure. Suzaku had never done this before, but it couldn't be _that_ different than with a girl. Licks and sucks and remembering what had felt good when Zero had done this for him were enough to start with, and Suzaku had always had good instincts when it came to things like this, and they were telling him to take it as far as he could.

Deepthroating, as Zero had done for him ever since their second time together, was apparently _too_ far. Suzaku pulled off fast, before his throat could spasm and his gag reflex came into play, and Zero made a small helpless sound and came all over Suzaku's face, dripping off Suzaku's nose and chin, and off the blindfold.

The sound that came from Zero's mouth was a strangled laugh. It wasn't exactly mocking, but Suzaku ducked his head, feeling oddly more vulnerable in this position than chained to the bed.

"No, don't," Zero said, reaching down to cup Suzaku's chin. "I just… can't believe you did that. For me."

Suzaku swallowed past the taste of bile and other flavours he didn't want to think about. "Yeah. I guess, neither can I."

"I'll try not to take that personally." Zero chuckled, guiding Suzaku to his feet and drawing him in for a kiss. Suzaku wondered what he tasted like, although Zero had sucked him off often enough to know what he was getting into.

The kiss went on for a longer time than Suzaku had expected, languid and undemanding while Suzaku ached, and then it hit him. This was the first time Zero had come without making sure Suzaku had first been satisfied. It was no more than Suzaku had done for his previous lovers, but given that he and Zero weren't in what anyone in good conscience could call a 'relationship', such consideration seemed pointless. It wasn't as if Suzaku would leave if he wasn't satisfied, as long as the SAZ remained intact.

As if sensing Suzaku's changed mood, Zero broke the kiss and slid his hand down Suzaku's front. "Hmm… that was thoughtless of me, wasn't it?"

Suzaku gasped as Zero's hand pressed just hard enough to renew his focus. He closed his eyes tightly behind the blindfold. "You don't have to…"

"I want to," Zero said, his voice lazy with satisfaction. "I want to watch you come undone. I want to savour it." He undid Suzaku's pants, fumbling only a little, which was impressive as this was the first time he'd undressed Suzaku rather than coming to him already nude, and wrapped his still leather-clad palm around Suzaku's cock.

Suzaku wanted it. He wanted Zero to take him apart, to wring him out and use him however he wanted. He wanted Zero's touch, his voice, his scent, his skin.

And he wanted it badly enough in that moment, that he almost forgot that he didn't want this, any of this, at all.

"No, wait." Suzaku twisted out of Zero's hold, careful not to risk any parts of him he didn't want injured. Zero let him go, apart from a weak grasp on his forearm.

"Suzaku?"

Suzaku's stomach lurched. "I can't do this."

"What? Do what?" Zero sounded concerned and anxious and Suzaku desperately wanted to leave. He fumbled his pants closed and groped around, still blindfolded, for his tunic. "Suzaku, what's wrong?"

"We're not lovers!" Suzaku burst out. "We're not _anything_. This isn't some kind of romantic innocent game, it's… I don't know what it is. But I can't… I'm sorry." He found the tunic and grabbed it, stumbling to the doorway, tripping over everything in his path in his hurry to escape.

"Suzaku!" Zero hadn't moved, hadn't come after him, and his voice was still more anxious than angry. Suzaku hoped that boded well for the alliance, because he knew full well that no matter what the cost, he simply couldn't stay here any longer.

There was a difference between being used and being forced and willingly giving yourself. Suzaku had never felt used, although he had certainly felt forced, and somehow the progression from unwillingly participating to eagerly taking control had felt natural. And Zero had let him, no doubt pleased that his pet was taking some initiative.

Zero hadn't tried to get any information from Suzaku, or plant any seditious ideas in his head. Instead, he'd been training Suzaku for… something. Turning him into something pliable and servile for Zero's own needs.

And he'd made him _desire _Zero. No more. Suzaku would return next week, but he'd return to his place, chained for Zero's pleasure, at his whim, taking nothing for himself.

A proper sacrifice for the good of Japan. All he'd ever wanted.


	3. Displacement Issues

It would have been straight-forward, if not exactly simple, had it not been for Princess Euphemia's decision to visit her secret siblings a few days later. To be perfectly fair, it had been over a month since she had last seen Nunnally and Lelouch, and while her days had been busy and filled, she missed them quite a lot.

Suzaku hadn't been to see them either, for poorer reasons. He didn't want to face Nunnally's ability to suss out lies or Lelouch's perceptive questions while returning to Zero's bed every week. He'd begged off with the excuse of the SAZ and still learning how to be a knight, and both Lelouch and Nunnally had been more than patient with him. But Euphemia wanted to see them and she needed a guard, and any guard other than Suzaku would risk the discovery of her siblings' identities.

So it was off to Ashford they went, disguised and anonymous, of no more note than the other students. Milly watched over them at a distance, making sure everything was secure and they weren't followed onto the campus grounds, but Suzaku remained alert until they were in Lelouch's home, with his maid Sayoko closing the door behind them.

"Nunnally!" Euphy pushed past Suzaku and fell to her knees before Nunnally's wheelchair, wrapping her younger sister in an unselfconscious hug. Lelouch, who'd pushed Nunnally into the front foyer, exchanged smiles with Suzaku over the sisters' backs, and reached down to pat Euphy's hair.

"Come now. You can hardly have a decent conversation in that position. And you haven't seen Nunnally in quite a while."

Euphemia stood up and opened her arms for Lelouch to embrace her. "I haven't seen _you_ in a while either," she said, her tone oddly wry, making Lelouch raise an eyebrow at her until she shrugged. "Not really, and you know it."

"Of course," Lelouch conceded, giving Euphy her hug and turning to escort his sisters to the front sitting room. "And I'll be sure to spend some time with you, but Nunnally has been nearly ill with waiting, and I'm sure you have sisterly things to discuss."

Sayoko set out a plate of dainties and some lemonade as Lelouch spoke, and the whole scene was so wholesome and cozy that Suzaku felt like a complete interloper.

"We do," Nunnally said, in that gentle yet firm way she had. "If you wouldn't mind entertaining Suzaku while we talk…"

Lelouch laughed and leaned down to kiss the top of Nunnally's head. "Not at all. Call us when you're ready for us to join you."

Suzaku wasn't about to (or allowed to) let Euphy out of his sight, so he and Lelouch took a seat on the couch at the other side of the room and left the girls to their tea and private discussions.

Lelouch watched them with a wistful smile. "I never thought we'd be a family again." He laughed softly. "Everyone I love is here, Suzaku. The rest of the world could come to an end, and I wouldn't even mind."

"Euphy would," Suzaku said. "And Nunnally. And what about Shirley and Milly and Rivalz…"

Lelouch turned to him, his smile turning sardonic and a little pained. "It was hyperbole, Suzaku. Of course I don't want anything to happen to them. But, as long as Nunnally and Euphy and you were safe…"

Suzaku felt something warm inside him at being included in that. Lelouch did that, offhandedly, without seeming to even think about it. Euphy and Nunnally did too – it seemed to be a superpower of the Britannian children, the younger ones at least, to make people feel proud and privileged to be acknowledged. Even when they'd been younger, and Suzaku had somewhat resented the weaker and sharper boy, Lelouch could charm him with a few casual words.

Nunnally had never even had to. A smile from her was all anyone could want to make their day brighter and happier. Suzaku often regretted Lelouch's stubborn insistence on remaining hidden, as both he and Nunnally could have made the transition phase of the SAZ so much smoother, simply by their charismatic presence.

Lelouch's smile had softened, and his hand moved to the back of Suzaku's neck, gently massaging. "You know you're a part of that, Suzaku. You've always been included."

Between Lelouch's warm words and gentle touch, Suzaku felt himself unwind. He kept most of his attention on Euphemia, as a bodyguard and knight should, but relaxed and leaned into Lelouch's hand, nearly purring as it slid lower and pressed in just a little harder, right where the muscles tightened. It felt good…

He didn't know when he'd started leaning against Lelouch's side, arching into the warmth and comfort Lelouch offered. He didn't know when Lelouch's attention had turned from his siblings to rest fully and intently upon Suzaku. He didn't know when their breathing synced, quickening together with an odd air of anticipation. He didn't know when Lelouch had placed a hand on his thigh, hot and firm, or when he had turned to him, tearing his gaze away from Euphy and Nunnally and looking straight into Lelouch's familiar purple eyes, which were focused on him with an intensity that nearly took Suzaku's breath away, darker and wider than usual.

Then Lelouch licked his lips, a small, nervous darting of his tongue, and Suzaku reacted.

It felt natural to kiss Lelouch. _Strangely_ natural. They'd barely touched since their reunion, since they were children, and yet Lelouch's body seemed familiar and proper against Suzkau's. His scent, too, was both familiar and enticing, triggering memories of safety and acceptance and arousal and sex. Lelouch's voice broke as he moaned, and that also just seemed _right_.

Suzaku forgot everything except Lelouch and how good this felt. He pushed Lelouch into the couch cushions and followed him down, letting the weight of his pelvis grind into Lelouch's. Lelouch gasped and wrapped his legs around Suzaku's waist, and they fit together _perfectly_, as if they'd been doing this for months, or as if they'd always been meant to do this.

Lelouch groaned and arched under Suzaku, his hands scrambling to find purchase on Suzaku's shoulders and the soft cushions of the couch. "Suzaku…"

The sound that came from Suzaku was strangled and pained, and he stopped moving, horror overcoming his ardour.

He'd almost said, "_Zero_."

Lelouch whined softly, his hand coming up and touching Suzaku's cheek lightly. "What's wrong?" He blinked slowly, and then his eyes widened and he shoved Suzaku off of him. "Euphy…"

Half a room away, far enough to muffle sounds but well within range of sight, Euphemia giggled. "Oh, don't stop on my account."

Lelouch's cheeks were flaming, his clever (and so very red) mouth gaping as he tried to say something, _anything_ to diffuse the situation. Suzaku could think of at least half a dozen better uses for that mouth, but his arousal had flagged and faded at the realization that he'd almost given into a habit that never should have been.

Instead of rallying, Lelouch slapped Suzaku's thigh. "Say _something_."

Suzaku hid behind formality, using every inch of his training to gather his dignity and bearing as best he could. He stood and bowed to Euphemia. "If you'll excuse me, your highness."

He hadn't made it three steps out of the room before Lelouch barreled after him, still pink-cheeked and red-lipped and ruffled and unspeakably enticing. "What the hell was that?"

"I'm sorry," Suzaku said, and it felt so very insufficient. "I shouldn't have done that."

Lelouch took a deep breath, not that it calmed him down much. "And why not? That was… I've wanted… The only reason I didn't kiss you the moment I saw you alive in Shinjuku was that I thought you didn't like boys."

"I don't," Suzaku said, despite the fact that it wasn't _entirely_ true. Well, not anymore. "I don't, not really. I just wanted to kiss you just then."

"I wanted it too," Lelouch said. "I still do." He reached out and caressed Suzaku's cheek. "Don't you?" Suzaku leaned in, instinctively closing his eyes, and Lelouch's touch shifted from caressing to gently pushing him away. "No. Don't do this unless you want to, Suzaku. Don't do it for me; do it for yourself."

"Okay," Suzaku murmured, overcoming Lelouch's half-hearted resistance and closing the distance between them, meeting Lelouch's conditions by pressing into his mouth, moaning as Lelouch sucked on his tongue.

Suzaku grabbed Lelouch by his hips, bringing their bodies together, and Lelouch's free hand slid under Suzaku's shirt, his nails tracing small, light patterns over the small of Suzaku's back.

"Hnn…" Suzaku broke the kiss to arch and groan at Lelouch's touch, hardening as he pressed against Lelouch's hip, the maddening sensation of Lelouch's fingers stroking steadily lower and lower driving him wild. "Lelouch." If this had come out of Suzaku's trained reflexes at Zero's hands, if this was the payoff, Suzaku might be willing to admit it might have been worth it.

Lelouch sighed happily against Suzaku's neck, and Suzaku cringed. This wasn't right.

"This isn't right."

Lelouch froze in Suzaku's arms at Suzaku's words, and pulled away. "What?"

Suzaku's body wanted Lelouch right back where he was. His conscience, however, made him take two steps back. "I need to just talk to you for a second."

Lelouch smiled, and it _almost_ masked his grimace of pain. "It's okay, Suzaku. I never expected anything." He seemed more resigned, as if he was used to his expectations being dashed, than anything else.

Now Suzaku felt doubly guilty. "It's not that. I just think you should know everything before anything happens." That was vague. "I'm in… something of a relationship."

Lelouch shrugged, not quite meeting Suzaku's eyes. "Of course," he said dully. "I hope you and Euphy are happy together."

"Euph- it's not Euphy. I mean Princess Euphemia." Had Lelouch missed the way she'd smirked at them, more amused than anything? "I'm her knight, not her lover."

"Like those two things are mutually exclusive," Lelouch grumbled. "Fine, it's not Euphy. Who's the lucky girl?"

"It's not a girl."

Lelouch frowned at that. "But you always…" He trailed off obviously thinking. "Rivalz wouldn't have been able to keep it a secret. Guilford belongs to Cornelia. Darlton? One of the other soldiers? Oh, or a Black Knight, since you're playing at being friendly with them…"

Suzaku waited patiently. "Are you done guessing?" There was no point in delaying the inevitable. "It's Zero."

"Zero?" Lelouch looked genuinely shocked. "But that doesn't count."

Suzaku hadn't told him any details. "How do you know… what do you mean?"

"I mean…" Lelouch rallied quickly. "You hate him. You've always hated him. How can you be in a _relationship_ with him?" Was it Suzaku's imagination, or did Lelouch sound oddly hopeful as well as curious.

"It's not that simple. I have to be with him, one night a week. That was one of his conditions for allowing the SAZ."

Lelouch bit his lower lip. "I see. And you… do you hate it?"

Not nearly as much as he should. "I just felt you should know that. No matter how I feel, about Zero or about you, I'll end up back in his bed, every seven days."

There was a long pause as Lelouch considered this. "And… if I'm okay with that?"

"What?"

Lelouch took the necessary two steps to bring him close enough to drape his arms over Suzaku's shoulders. "What if I can accept that? If I'm willing to take those six days and leave you and Zero the seventh?" He leaned in, brushing his lips over Suzaku's. "We don't have to do anything. We can take it as slow as you want, whatever makes you comfortable. I don't want anything you're not willing to give, but in return I want _everything_ you're willing to give me."

"Everything?" Suzaku asked, heady with the idea that he could have this, even while doing what was needed to protect Japan. "You sure?"

Lelouch kissed him, soft and chaste, his fingers threading through Suzaku's hair. "You are the one person I could never say no to, Suzaku. I never dreamed you'd return my feelings, and now that you have, you've won every inch of power over me."

"Don't say that," Suzaku whispered. It was scary to have that kind of power, especially over someone like Lelouch. "I never want to hurt you."

"Then don't hold back."

Suzaku pushed Lelouch against the nearest wall and fit himself between his legs, one hand encouraging Lelouch to hook his leg over Suzaku's hip as they ground together, something Lelouch did eagerly, and again they fit together as if they'd practiced this over and over. Lelouch cried out and gasped as Suzaku moved against him, mouthing and nipping at Lelouch's neck so that Lelouch's mouth was free to make the myriad of arousing sounds that poured from his lips, unrestrained and eager.

After a month of Zero, whose silence was broken only by soft grunts and sighs, Lelouch's vocal appreciation was very welcome.

Lelouch was also the first to come, shuddering against Suzaku and holding onto him so tightly he ruined Suzaku's t-shirt. The scent of him, the sound of him, the feel of him, all together pushed Suzaku over the edge until he also spilled in his pants.

It would be an uncomfortable walk home.

But Lelouch was soft and grateful when Suzaku and Euphy left, and Suzaku promised to visit more often. So it was worth it.

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Euphy teased him relentlessly about his new boyfriend, even going so far as to call him her brother-on-law when they were alone. Suzaku didn't mind, except for the fact that her private jests might have hinted about Lelouch's identity, but she was always incredibly careful with those, and mostly tried to make him blush by mentioning that she and her friend (Nunnally) had been in the room over the whole time, and both of them had excellent hearing.

Suzaku found that he couldn't blush. He just wasn't embarrassed or ashamed. He was happy.

It was a little odd. He'd known Lelouch again for the better part of a year, spent tons of time with him in class and in the student council, and he'd never really been attracted to him. Sure, he could acknowledge that Lelouch was physically gorgeous, in an androgynous way, and he did love him, but Suzaku had been sure he was as straight as they came. He'd had feelings for Euphy, easily crushed under the idea that he wasn't nearly good enough for her, and also it was an abuse of his position as her protector. He'd even had vague feelings of attraction to Shirley and Milly, but what red-blooded male wouldn't? He'd felt a lot of things for Lelouch – protective, irritated, guilty, ashamed. Lelouch brought out a lot of memories and feelings. But none of them had been attraction.

Until Zero. Until Suzaku had been shown what an attentive male lover could bring to the table, even uninvited. In hindsight, perhaps Suzaku had always had _some_ attraction to the male form. His ten-year-old self had admired Toudou, more intensely than any other living human, male or female. He averted his eyes during communal showers, despite growing up in a traditional Japanese household with shared baths. He'd never done what a lot of the other soldiers had done, visiting each other's bunks in the middle of the night for comfort, but he'd never wanted for bedmates either, his own personal set of charms more than enough to win over bedmates whenever he'd wanted them.

And there were times… Private Akira, Sergeant Danners. Not often, and not strongly, but enough for Suzaku to suspect this had always been a part of him, whether he'd acknowledged it or not.

Zero might have forced it, but it had been Lelouch who had confirmed it. Suzaku still wasn't sure what it was about Lelouch that made kissing him feel natural. He still couldn't figure out _why_ he'd taken that huge risk, potentially losing his best friend over an instinctual misunderstanding. Finding out that Lelouch felt the same way, had _always_ felt the same way and had just hidden it, made Suzaku felt relieved and guilty at the same time.

What if he and Lelouch had been more honest, to themselves and to each other? Maybe Suzaku wouldn't have been able, in good conscience, to accept Zero's deal, and something else would have been negotiated. Maybe Zero would have used it as an excuse, and the SAZ would never have happened. It sounded like something the manipulative rebel leader might do.

Suzaku remembered Kamine Island, where he'd thought, for a moment, that Zero might have been Lelouch. Knowing who Zero's allies were now, Toudou and Kirihara among them, made it more clear where Zero's information about Suzaku killing his father had come from, but when Zero had first brought it up, Suzaku had heard Lelouch's words, Lelouch's voice, and he'd felt certain.

He was just as certain now that Lelouch wasn't Zero. For one thing, Lelouch could _never_ do what Zero was doing. He was the kind of boy who swallowed his own needs for the comfort of others, and he was far from forward sexually or romantically. For another, Euphy and Nunnally would certainly have suspected something by now. They were, after all, siblings; and Euphy was brilliant and Nunnally was incredibly perceptive. Lelouch could probably fool Suzaku, but he could never fool his little sisters. It was just a weird coincidence that Zero had used Genbu's death against Suzaku just after Lelouch had found out about it.

So now Suzaku had to balance his relationship with Lelouch with what he was doing with Zero. One thing was certain; there would be no more trying things out of his own initiative. Now that he and Lelouch were together, the boundaries for what he and Zero were (i.e., _not_ in a relationship) were firmer and less flexible. He would bow his head and obey whatever Zero demanded from him, and then he would clean up and return to his life with Lelouch. It was more important than ever to keep Zero's demands and actions from everyone else (except Lelouch), as Euphy would be furious to know that Suzaku was betraying her brother like this. But Lelouch understood, which was more than Suzaku could ever have hoped for.

Suzaku just had to hope that Zero would be as understanding.


	4. Rules and Regulations

When Suzaku returned to Zero's rooms, it seemed that he was, if perhaps not necessarily understanding, then at least forgiving. The chains and instructions were still there and, as Suzaku stripped down and fastened himself to the bed, spread out and on his knees, he felt a calm settle over him at the familiar submissive position.

There was no sound as Zero entered the room, apart from the door closing. No swish of cape, no click of heeled shoes, nothing. Suzaku fought the urge to turn around, focusing instead on relaxing as Zero reached over to place the blindfold.

"You ran last week."

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

Suzaku searched for an appropriate answer. "I… was scared."

"Oh, Suzaku…" Bare hands moved over Suzaku's skin, petting him like a cat. "That's the last thing I wanted. I want you to be happy."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Zero stroked over his lower back. "It's alright. We just have to think of a way to make you feel more comfortable." He spread open Suzaku's cheeks and placed a kiss between them. "How about a safeword?"

"A what?"

"Something to say when you feel overwhelmed. A word that will automatically stop whatever's happening, no matter what." Zero nipped at the soft flesh just behind Suzaku's anus and Suzaku shuddered. "Something to keep you in control, without forcing you to take any action."

Suzaku swallowed hard. "And if I say it, you'll stop? Just like that?"

"Of course. It's just formalizing the kind of power you have over me. I could never say no to you, Suzaku."

A degree of control without the responsibility of acceptance. Suzaku had wanted to keep his place as a slave, but there was always the chance that Zero would ask too much of him. He would be a fool not to accept this offer. "Lancelot."

"Three syllables? No. One or two, Suzaku, we're going for simplicity here."

Suzaku automatically ruled out anything he might say in a fit of passion, like 'yes' or 'more' or 'Lelouch'. Zero's gentle attentions continued, almost as soothing as they were arousing, and Suzaku picked a word. "Cranes." He remembered folding paper cranes with Nunnally, that feeling of safety and acceptance, and it reminded him of Lelouch, of why Suzaku's limits were different now.

"Yes. That's lovely." Zero's voice was full of warm approval. Suzaku breathed out in relief, pleased at his master's acceptance. "Remember it. Hold onto it, Suzaku. We're going to test your limits now."

Zero's hands and mouth left Suzaku's body, and there was the sound of something being opened, something being moved, and the sensation of something being placed behind Suzaku.

"What are you…"

"Hush, now," Zero said. "Just relax and take it. I'll do everything I can to make this good for you."

His hands returned to Suzaku's body, soft and oiled, massaging over Suzaku's back and buttocks and thighs, his thumbs dipping between Suzaku's cheeks, rubbing up against his anus, dipping in slightly. Suzaku tried to relax as ordered, to take the massage as soothing rather than invasive, but soon Zero was neglecting his back and thighs altogether, and just kneading his buttocks, rubbing his perineum, and circling and pressing against his anus.

"Zero…"

"You can take this," Zero assured him, pressing just below Suzaku's hole, making it throb. "Look, it's asking for more." His finger slid in deeper, not stopping this time until it was past his second knuckle, in deep enough to curl. "Oh, Suzaku. It's so hot."

Suzaku could feel himself clenching and releasing around Zero's finger, unsure of how to react. It was uncomfortable, but it certainly wasn't painful, and the stretch actually felt interestingly good. Zero pressed in deeper, until Suzaku could feel the back of his hand pressed against his perineum, and hummed as he felt around, as if looking for something.

"Hng." Suzaku arched as Zero's finger brushed against something solid inside him. "That was weird."

"That," Zero replied, "was your prostate." He crooked his long finger and caressed the gland. He trailed his nails over it, sending shots of electricity shooting up Suzaku's back. He pressed firmly then stroked gently, making Suzaku's testicles clench and his cock fill. It was arousal through pure sensation, and as much as his body seemed to love it, Suzaku's mind remained gratifyingly detached.

He didn't even mind when Zero stopped his ministrations, slowly sliding out to reach around under Suzaku's belly to pump his cock. It left behind an aching, empty feeling, and every time Zero's grip tightened and pulled, Suzaku could feel his anus opening and closing, mimicking his own gasping for breath.

"There, isn't this good?" Zero asked, moving around to Suzaku's side to kiss his neck and shoulder. Instead of answering, Suzaku turned blindly towards him and was rewarded by a deep, messy kiss and Zero's hand speeding up, bringing Suzaku to the brink of climax.

But no further. Suzaku couldn't swallow down his whine quickly enough when Zero's hand left his cock, and he slid back behind Suzaku, returning his attention to Suzaku's hole.

"It's okay, Suzaku. I'm not in the habit of leaving you wanting." Zero played with the puckered skin, pressing against, but never in. "Do you want to be filled again?"

Suzaku wasn't about to answer that. Acceptance was one thing; asking, _begging_ was another. Zero sighed. "I'm sorry, I forgot how you felt about that." He pulled away, and Suzaku almost gave in, but he returned quickly, hands cooled by more oily lubricant. "I'm going to fill you again, Suzaku. Use the safeword if you don't want it."

Now silence, that was something Suzaku to could do. Zero hesitated, giving Suzaku the opportunity to stop him, and then bent down and kissed the small of his back, in gratitude or approval, before returning his attention to working Suzaku open again on his fingers, slipping one, then two, inside.

The burn was more intense this time, and it was all Suzaku could do not to push back and fuck himself on Zero's fingers. It felt too much like losing control, like begging. Still, something of his eagerness must have shown itself to Zero, who groaned aloud for the first time as Suzaku clamped around him, his cock, full and sticky, pressing against Suzaku's leg.

A sudden mental image of Zero fucking into him nearly brought Suzaku to completion right then and there. Those long, thin hands grasping Suzaku's hips, that thick cock pushing into him, pistoning inside of him… It was only the sensation of Zero's fingers pulling out, a little too fast for comfort, that kept Suzaku's cock from doing more than a half-hearted spurt against his stomach.

"Oh love, you're ready, you're so ready," Zero said, breathy and eager, and Suzaku heard another whine escape from his own lips as Zero's hands left him once again, only to return almost immediately, one hand holding his cheeks apart, the other pressing in something cool and unyealding and plastic.

Not Zero's cock, then. It certainly didn't feel large enough, barely bigger than the two fingers he'd been using, but there was less give. With Zero murmuring praise and comforting words, Suzaku took it in, until he could feel the base resting between his buttocks, holding it in place.

"Wha- what is that?" Suzaku gasped.

Zero kissed him right over where the thing was sitting, and stepped back. "Do you remember your safeword, Suzaku?"

"Cranes," Suzaku said. "But I'm not using it now. Just tell me what that is?"

"I don't want to ruin the surprise," Zero said. "But I'll make you a deal. Either I can tell you what's inside you right now, or I can demonstrate it for you and, in return for your cooperation, after I've made you come you can suck me off."

Suzaku's mouth felt dry. He wasn't sure how he felt about his last time with Zero, but there was one thing he knew, and that was that he'd loved the feeling of Zero's cock in his mouth. He'd tried to block that out, along with everything else from that night, but even strung out as he was, there was still the sudden craving for Zero's taste, for the way his cock forced Suzaku's jaw and throat open.

And, he realized, he trusted Zero. At least to the extent that nothing Zero did would hurt him, and he'd stop if Suzaku told him to.

Suzaku bowed his head. "Alright, Zero. Demonstrate away."

And then Zero was there, grabbing his hair and forcing Suzaku's head up for a passionate kiss. "You are so worth everything, Suzaku." He kissed Suzaku again, and there was a sudden electric sensation and Suzaku came so hard he nearly blacked out.

When he'd recovered, Suzaku could feel the chain holding his left hand lengthening, leaving just enough give that he could rest on his right hip. The moment he tried to, however, he felt the thing inside him move and shift, overstimulating his sensitive body.

"Easy, easy," Zero crooned at him. "You did marvellously, Suzaku. I'm so proud of you right now." He bent down and gave Suzaku a kiss, short and sweet, pulling back and letting his fingers, still oil-coated, linger on Suzaku's lower lip.

They tasted slightly sweet.

"Would you like your reward now, or would you like to rest for a moment?"

Suzaku imagined that Zero was getting rather desperate, and the temptation to force him to hold off longer was irresistible. "Can I have some water first?"

Zero kissed him again, swiping his tongue over Suzaku's lips either to moisten them, or to take away the oil. "Of course, love."

While Zero fetched him water, Suzaku shifted, trying to find a comfortable position to suck a cock or, more importantly, drink from. He gave it up as a lost cause within moments. It was impossible with the small range of motion his restraints allowed him, to find any way to angle his head and neck so that he could sip properly from a cup. He had, however, found more than a few possible cocksucking positions, one which would even allow him to get some hand action in.

When he felt the straw bump his lips, Suzaku sighed with grateful relief. He really was thirsty, his tongue and lips cottony from open-mouthed panting as Zero had held him on the brink of orgasm for what felt like hours, and the water was as welcome as the fact that he wouldn't have to nearly drown trying to sip it from a cup.

It was that sort of consideration that Suzaku took for granted when he was with Zero.

After he'd drank his fill, purposefully hollowing his cheeks in a parody of what they did when Suzaku was sucking on thicker things, Suzaku licked his lips and leaned forward.

"Ah… how do you want to do this?" He had some ideas, but Zero would have a better grasp of the full situation, what with being able to use his eyes and all.

There was a soft clunk of the glass being set aside, and Suzaku could feel the bed dipping in front of him, on either side of his left arm. Suzaku licked his lips again, but didn't move until Zero's hand pressed the back of his head, moving him forward and down.

From what Suzaku could tell, Zero seemed to be braced against the headboard, kneeling on the bed over Suzaku's arm. Suzaku balanced on his knees and right arm, and used his left hand to grasp Zero's right leg, keeping it open as the musky scent of Zero filled Suzaku's senses.

"Talk to me," Suzaku said, his lips brushing over the head of Zero's cock. "Whatever you want, just… let me hear your voice."

"You look gorgeous like this," Zero said, low and dark. "The glint of the chains against your tanned skin… I think I missed that last time. It's a good look on you. You should wear jewellery."

Suzaku shuddered, even as his mouth watered in desire. "Your jewellery?"

"Preferably," Zero said, his grip on Suzaku's hair getting more impatient. "But anything in a warm gold would look stunning on you." Suzaku dipped his head and took Zero's cock into his mouth. It had flagged somewhat, probably mostly due to the wait Suzaku had imposed, but it was hardening fast as Suzaku sucked diligently, using his tongue as much as possible, letting trails of drool track down the shaft.

Zero moaned in wordless appreciation, and Suzaku pulled off. "Don't stop talking."

"Right. Sorry." Despite his words, Zero pulled impatiently at Suzaku's hair. "I will, I promise, just get back to – _ohyes_…"

As Suzaku sucked, trading deep swallows and shallow licks and nips, a torrent of praise and vulgarity slipped from Zero's lips. His curse words were imaginative, occasionally lapsing into Japanese, which was interesting, but his praise was flowery and flattering, everything Suzaku had expected Zero to be.

Some of it seemed oddly familiar. Turns of phrase, word choices, specific pronunciations. But then Zero's grip would tighten, or his hips would jerk, and Suzaku's attention would be focused right back where it was most needed.

"Your mouth, Suzaku, every time you smiled at me, all I could think of was your mouth. And it does not disappoint, far from it. I – _ah_ – I'm never going to be able to focus through a complete sentence of yours again. I'll be thinking of this, of how you look, how you feel, oh… hah… _Suzaku_…"

Suzaku breathed sharply though his nose and swallowed Zero down, until he could feel Zero's hair rasping against his nose. Zero clung to him and cried out and came, choking Suzaku as he held him in place.

Suzaku didn't mind. Zero might have thought that Suzaku looked good, but Zero _sounded_ amazing when he left himself go. His deep voice turned nasal and almost high-pitched as he whined and shook and spilled down Suzaku's throat. Suzaku took every bit of that as his due, even as he licked Zero's spent cock as clean as he could. Before Zero stopped trembling, Suzaku slicked up one of his fingers with his spit and Zero's ejaculate, and slid it inside Zero's relaxed body.

"Ah…" Zero laughed, amused and happy. "Comfortable?" He shifted, pressing Suzaku's finger deeper inside him. "Is this what you want? Turnabout?"

"I don't know," Suzaku said, honestly, sliding his finger out. "I don't know why you did what you did." His ass clenched around the invasive object still inside him. "Or even _what_ you did."

"Here." Zero pressed something into Suzaku's right hand. "Play with it for a while."

There was a dial and three buttons. Suzaku fiddled with the dial for a moment, then pressed one of the buttons.

Immediately, Suzaku felt like there were a dozen insects inside him, trying to get out. Zero snatched back the controller and dialled it back, until the buzzing turned into a steady, gentle humming vibration.

"A vibrator?" Suzaku asked.

"Indeed." Zero turned the strength up a little and Suzaku writhed. "I think we should take it out. Lube doesn't last forever." He turned it back down. "Do you like it?"

Suzaku wasn't sure if he'd ever come as hard as he had when Zero had first turned it on. But it hadn't been, for lack of a better term, his 'happiest' orgasm. "I'm not sure."

"Take it home," Zero suggested. "Play with it some more. Find out what you like, what you don't like, and what you don't _want_ to like, and come back to me."

He handed Suzaku back the controller, and Suzaku turned the vibration off. "Are you going to fuck me?"

There was a long moment of hesitation, as if he'd caught Zero off-guard. "Maybe. If that's what you want."

"Isn't that what _you_ want?"

"Oh Suzaku." Zero slid between Suzaku's arms, fitting his body half-under him. "You know what I want." Cool oil dripped over Suzaku's skin, down his crack and around the vibrator base. Zero grasped the toy and started moving it gently, out and in and out a little more each time. Suzaku groaned. "I want you to be happy with me." His other hand found Suzaku's cock, half-hard and filling fast. "I want you to come again, all over me, while I fuck you with this."

Suzaku rolled back onto all fours, grinding against Zero's hip as Zero's grip on the vibrator slipped and pushed it deep inside him before pulling it nearly all the way out and pressing in again. Suzaku shouted and came, as ordered, over Zero's chest and abdomen, and over Suzaku's own stomach, more controlled and less forceful than his first orgasm, but oddly more pleasurable.

As was the way he could wrap his left arm around Zero as he fell into a post-coital daze, actively holding him for the first time after an orgasm. It felt good.

Zero pulled the toy all the way out and let it fall on the sheets beneath them. "You're so perfect, so precious, Suzaku." He reached up and smeared his oily fingers over Suzaku's cheek, drawing him down for a kiss, which turned into making out for what felt like hours. By the time Zero slipped away and undid Suzaku's chains, Suzaku had never felt so sated.

He'd also never felt so filthy. Oily and sticky and sweaty and covered in spunk, Suzaku couldn't imagine how anyone could find him attractive like this. He washed off, scrubbing with the supplied soaps, and hesitated before leaving, seeing the vibrator resting on the bed, surrounded by Zero's usual candid shots of Suzaku at his mercy.

For the first time, Suzaku felt tempted. The vibrator was thin, as Suzaku had suspected, but shorter than Suzaku had imagined. The buttons on the controller were labelled simply 'vibration', 'heat', and 'off'. Suzaku couldn't help but be curious about the 'heat' function and, for the first time, one of the candids had an out-of-focus pale hand in the corner.

Suzaku felt like he was falling for a trap, but he couldn't resist. He took the vibrator and the shot of Zero's hand (with his own ass open and pink centre-stage of the photo), tucking them both into the inside of his jacket.

He could add pale skin to the short list of things Suzaku knew about Zero – he wasn't Japanese, although he knew the language and culture well enough to curse in it, he was slightly taller than Suzaku but much slimmer, he had hair to just below the nape of his neck, long, elegant fingers, pubic hair (not necessarily a given), and the sexiest voice Suzaku had ever heard.

That last was perhaps less than useful in ferreting out Zero's true identity.

Because Suzaku had never forgotten that Zero was the enemy. Well, mostly he hadn't forgotten, there were moments here and there when that thought might not have been at the forefront of his mind. But mostly, when the endorphins wore off, Suzaku remembered all the harm Zero had done – Shirley's father, Narita, the docks, Kamine… Even if Suzaku hadn't personally wanted Zero exposed and possibly punished, he should have revealed his identity when he entered the negotiating table. Cornelia didn't hide behind a mask, and neither did Euphy. They had both taken a certain amount of backlash over the SAZ, and taken it well, but Zero had been saved the need by virtue of hiding his true self.

It was cowardly. It was petty and foolish and, really, Suzaku would be doing him a _favour_ by revealing him. All in good time.

For now, however, all Suzaku had were secrets – from Euphy he was forced to keep the secret of Zero's actions, of the price he was forcing Suzaku to pay in return for his support. From Zero, Suzaku had to hide the fact that he might be falling in love with Lelouch. And from Lelouch, Suzaku had to hide the way he was training himself for Zero's pleasure, lying on his back and pushing in as many as four fingers before it became too much, testing the vibrator Zero had given to him until his cock leaked and he was shaking with need, imagining himself chained as he used a numbed hand to get himself off.

Lelouch was all innocence and gentle touches, kissing on couches and lying clothed together on his bed. Lelouch never pressed, and Suzaku suspected that was because he wasn't sure how far he really wanted to go himself. According to Milly, once their relationship got out, Lelouch was probably a virgin, and what he knew about sex, he'd likely learned from books.

Suzaku found it charming. It was like a real courtship, where they spent time together (and, of course, with Nunnally) and had fun, and then made out until one of them pulled away. Neither of them had protective parents, although Rivalz and Milly had Lelouch's back on this one, despite both of them being delighted by the fact that Lelouch seemed to be loosening up, and both Nunnally and Euphy were thrilled for him, and willing to give them both the time and the privacy they needed for their relationship to flourish.

As Lelouch remained undemanding, however, Zero kept upping the ante, demanding something new from Suzaku every week. Some of the things, like the feathers, Suzaku had loved, while some, like the cock ring, had Suzaku calling out his safeword in minutes. Zero seemed to be looking for a pattern, something that would hold the key to what Suzaku wanted. Suzaku would have helped, but he had no idea himself.

Once, Zero had told Suzaku to walk around the day before his visit with four anal beads inside him. Suzaku had made the mistake of visiting Lelouch and had almost ravished his boyfriend right there on his living room couch. When Suzaku had finally arrived back at Zero's, he'd chained himself up immediately and begged, before Zero even came in, for Zero to make him come.

It was the most humiliating and arousing and satisfying and painful experience in his life. He still came to the memory of it.

But now Lelouch was starting to move from safety and love to something more sensual. He seemed to know where all of Suzaku's sensitive areas were, especially after a session with Zero, and delighted in teasing them. When Suzaku retaliated by pinning Lelouch down, his eyelashes would flutter and his voice would get lower, and no matter what he said, Suzaku just heard him begging to be taken.

It was hard to resist, and even harder as Suzaku was beginning to suspect Lelouch didn't even want him to resist.


	5. Proactive Decisions

About six weeks after they started seeing each other, less than a week after they'd first touched each other's cocks, albeit under clothes, Lelouch pulled away from Suzaku, red-faced and wide-eyed, and stripped completely naked.

Suzaku wasn't sure how to react. His eyes wandered over the pale expanse of skin, lingering over the occasional rare blemish – birthmarks, a bruise from walking into a table, beauty marks – and his hands ached to touch. But he didn't move.

"You don't have to," Lelouch assured him. "I just… I wanted to you _see_ me."

"Okay, I see you," Suzaku said, his body aching with want as he rolled onto his stomach. "What now…" He tried for levity. "Can I smell you?"

Lelouch smiled. "If you like." He knelt before Suzaku and wrapped his arms around Suzaku's head as Suzaku leaned up to smell him, just above his navel, sniffing at him hard enough to make Lelouch giggle, his stomach moving interestingly against Suzaku's cheeks.

"Hey," Suzaku said, always willing to keep playing. "Can I taste you?"

Lelouch made a soft affirmative sound, gasping as Suzaku's lips wrapped around his nipple, sucking softly. Suzaku pushed Lelouch down until they were lying together, and shucked his pants. "Can I touch you?"

"You're already touching me," Lelouch said before throwing his head back in a throaty moan as Suzaku pressed their cocks together. "Suzaku…"

Suzaku grasped Lelouch's hips and kissed his shoulder before lifting his head to whisper in Lelouch's ear. "And now, I want to hear you."

And Lelouch, obediently, cried out as Suzaku thrust against him, the slickness of their bodies easing the friction somewhat, but there was still a burning heat between them. Lelouch yelled and clutched at Suzaku as he wrapped his legs around Suzaku's hips, arching his back up to meet Suzaku's thrusts and calling out Suzaku's name and pleas for _more, faster, harder_…

Suzaku lost himself. After all this time with Zero, he was finally getting what he _really_ wanted, with the person he wanted, and Lelouch wanted it too.

Just that thought, combined with the vision and sound of Lelouch writhing under him in ecstasy, was enough to take Suzaku over the edge with a sweet orgasm that felt like a release, and not like something wrenched out of him. Lelouch arched higher under him, and came with a soft wail, his lips parting as if begging to be claimed, something Suzaku was more than happy to oblige them.

It cut off the wail, but not the soft little sighs and moans, which Suzaku swallowed with glee.

"I love you."

Lelouch smiled under him, stroking his hair, his eyes limpid and sated. "Oh, Suzaku. I love you too. So much, I can't even…" He kissed Suzaku's lips and then brought Suzaku's head down, to rest on his bosom. "I would do anything to make you happy with me. Anything you wanted, anything I can give for the sake of your pleasure, Suzaku, it's yours."

The words, the tone, everything except the comforting position sounded oddly familiar. But they were words Suzaku loved hearing, and he wasn't about to ruin the moment.

"You too. Whatever you need from me, Lelouch, it's yours. All you have to do is ask."

"I don't need anything," Lelouch sighed. "This is perfect. Just this, being with you, is all I ever wanted. It's worth everything, having you and Euphy back. I've given up so much – my hatred, my chance at vengeance, but it was worth it. And you." He kissed the top of Suzaku's head. "You've lost your desire, your drive, for death. I can see it, you have too much to live for now."

It was true. Not since Kyushu had Suzaku even tried to put his life at risk. There had been chances – training exercises, mostly. But Suzaku didn't want to die anymore.

"I don't want to die anymore," Suzaku said, after Zero had finished with him a few days later.

Zero made a small snort at that. "Because you're in love?"

"What?" Suzaku jerked against the chains as panic overcame him. "What are you…"

"Hush, sweet one, hush…" Zero caressed Suzaku's hair until he calmed. "I'm not a jealous man. I asked for one night a week, and you've given that. What you do with the rest of your time, and with your heart, is your business." He kissed Suzaku's forehead. "But it's obvious that you're a man in love. Even if I didn't catch you biting off her name, I'd have seen you daydreaming when you accompany Euphy to the information sessions."

"It's Princess Euphemia," Suzaku corrected. "And I'm not in love with any girl."

"Deny all you want…" Zero taunted gently.

"He's a boy."

Again, Suzaku had the impression that he'd surprised Zero. But when Zero finally answered, all he sounded was amused. "Not what I was expecting from someone whose previous experience was almost exclusively… vaginal. What's this boy of yours like?"

"He's amazing," Suzaku said. "He's smart and funny and gorgeous, and he cares so much that I think it actually hurts him. I don't agree with half of what he says, and he doesn't agree with me, but none of that matters as long as we both protect what's important to us."

Zero shifted on the bed. "You don't think that fundamental philosophical differences matter?"

Suzaku shrugged. "Look at you and Princess Cornelia. You were diametrically opposed to each other, and now you're working together."

"And if either of us saw the opportunity to end the other, we would," Zero mused. "I suppose that would be an interesting element to bring to the bedroom…"

"It's not like that," Suzaku insisted. "It's like… the difference between running and riding a bike. If you get to the same destination, who cares? We're both working towards the same goals, and we're both…" Suzaku sighed. "We're both really happy together."

"Tell me more," Zero said.

He sounded genuinely interested, and not at all jealous, so Suzaku did. Without naming names, he talked about how Lelouch managed to make friends without being friendly, simply through the power of his personality. He talked about how he loved Nunnally as his own sister, how Lelouch had opened doors for his acceptance in school, how he'd hidden his love for Suzaku for fear of ruining their friendship, then let their relationship evolve slowly for Suzaku's sake.

He spoke of Lelouch's honour and brilliance, how he never backed away from bullies and never hesitated to defend an innocent, and yet how he never waited behind for any praise or reward.

"He's truly selfless," Suzaku said. "People like you and me… we could learn something from him."

Zero laughed, soft and amused. "He sounds quite wonderful when described through your rosy lens." He undid the restraints on Suzaku's chains. "I wish you all happiness with him."

"Thank you," Suzaku said. "Can I have your word? That you'll never… that if you ever get jealous, you won't take it out on him."

"Why would I, when I have you right here?" Zero asked, sounding genuinely surprised. "I am curious, however, whether or not you've told him of me."

Suzaku nodded. "He's the only one I've told."

"Interesting." Zero leaned in and kissed Suzaku on the lips. "Keep it that way, and everyone will be happy." He kissed Suzaku again. "Healthy." And again. "And whole."

Suzaku nodded vigorously, eager to follow that particular command. "I promise."

"Good." Zero ran his hands over Suzaku's back, one of his favourite calming manoeuvres. "Next week, we'll be trying something different. As always, you'll have the power to stop it whenever you like but, as always, I'm going to ask you to trust me. I think you'll like it, and I think it'll remind you of one very important thing."

Zero stopped his caresses and leaned forward to whisper in Suzaku's ear. "I can give you things you can't even begin to ask your selfless, caring lover for. And _that_ is why you keep coming back to me."

"The SAZ…"

"Is all but complete. But you'll be back next week because you need this now, Suzaku. And only I can give it to you."

A few days later, and Suzaku realized that was the truth. He was cuddling with Lelouch after supper while they watched a movie with Nunnally, and Suzaku found his mind wandering to the sound of chain links rustling, the feeling of his shoulder muscles as they strained against their restraints, the serene feeling that came over him when Zero stroked him like a pet. He couldn't imagine Lelouch doing anything like that, but he couldn't stop rubbing his wrists, imagining them cuffed again.

Lelouch looked up at him, curious at his sudden tension. "What's wrong?"

Suzaku shrugged and tried to smile. "Nothing, just need to get some air."

"Want company?"

"Nah." Suzaku kissed the top of Lelouch's hair. "Sit tight, I'll be back."

The words echoed in his mind as he closed the door behind himself. He _would_ be back – to Lelouch but also to Zero. Even now, he could feel his body craving Zero's touch, or rather the restraints and boundary-pushing that came with his touch. Lelouch didn't push. Lelouch wouldn't restrain him. Lelouch couldn't give Suzaku what he needed in order to be what he wanted to be _with_ Lelouch. Suzaku needed Zero, the release he got with him, in order to keep the control he needed around Lelouch.

And Lelouch and Zero both accepted this. Suzaku didn't even need to feel guilty about it. He might be hiding from everyone else, but he could be open with them, the way he was open with no one else.

But things were escalating with Zero, beyond what Suzaku felt like he could control. He had his safeword, and enough experience with Zero to know that would be (probably) honoured, but he wanted something more. Some other assurance that Zero wouldn't take more from Lelouch than Suzaku could allow.

Suzaku took one last, lingering look at Lelouch's door before turning and starting to jog off campus and into town.

When he returned, the sun had set and his hands were sweaty. He'd been gone for more than an hour, long past when the movie would have finished, past even Nunnally's usual bedtime. If Suzaku knew the town better, where to get what he wanted, he wouldn't have taken so long, but in reality he'd ran out on Lelouch for a long enough time for Lelouch to think he wasn't coming back.

Not the way he'd wanted to start this.

Still, of all the sins Suzaku carried, he refused to be a coward anymore. He knocked on the door and went in without waiting for an answer.

The foyer was dark, with the lights of most of the surrounding rooms turned off in preparation for sleep. Suzaku knew the layout of the Lamperouge home well enough to make his way towards the bedrooms without bumping into anything.

A light turned on in one of the sitting rooms, and Lelouch stood there, dressed in pyjamas. "Suzaku."

"Lelouch, I'm sorry, it took longer than I–"

Lelouch crossed the room and threw himself against Suzaku, draping his arms around Suzaku's neck and pulling him in for a kiss. "You came back."

"I said I would," Suzaku said, still apologetic, but more interested in returning Lelouch's kiss. "The timing was just somewhat off."

"I thought I'd done something wrong," Lelouch confessed, still holding on. "I played over everything, trying to figure out what it was, but I couldn't and it was driving me insane, and…"

Suzaku kissed him. "Shh… You didn't do anything wrong. I just needed… can we take this to your room?"

Lelouch nodded and took Suzaku's hand, leading him despite the fact that Suzaku had been there several times before. "Can you stay over?"

"Yeah, if that's okay," Suzaku said. "I have to be back for a meeting at nine, but until then I'm yours." Lelouch closed the bedroom door behind them and Suzaku swallowed. "Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

Lelouch nodded encouragingly. Suzaku licked his lips nervously. "I… Zero has special plans for me in a few days, and I don't know what they are, but I think he might want…" He trailed off, making suggestive hand gestures that seemed to be going completely over Lelouch's head. "To go all the way."

Lelouch nodded again. "And?"

"And," Suzaku said, dumping out the lube and condoms onto Lelouch's bed. "I kinda wanted you to… get there first."

Lelouch stared, first at the items on his bedspread, then at Suzaku. "Is that what you think…" He grinned, not finishing that thought. "Yes."

"Huh?"

"Yes." Lelouch launched himself at Suzaku, covering him with kisses. "Yes, I want this. I want you, in any way you'll let me have you, Suzaku. Yes."

Suzaku laughed and hoisted Lelouch up, lifting him and carrying him to the bed. "Do you know what–"

"I know _exactly_ what to do," Lelouch assured him. "I've thought about this since before you kissed me, fantasized about it since I saw you again, and I…" Suzaku started unfastening his clothes and Lelouch arched helpfully. "I've put _hours_ into careful research."

Suzaku grinned as he pulled Lelouch's pants off. "That sounds like hard work."

"Mmm," Lelouch agreed. "Long and hard." Suzaku sorted at the innuendo and shrugged out of his clothes too, before grabbing the lube and tossing a box of condoms to Lelouch to open.

The lubricant was cool and slick, and Suzaku remembered how it had felt when Zero had used it to open him up. He hesitated, unsure about how he'd go about this (should be put his fingers inside himself? In front of Lelouch? That seemed wrong, somehow) until Lelouch, having wrested a single condom from the package, took the bottle from him.

"Lie back," Lelouch said, firm and eager. "And don't worry. I'll take good care of you."

His confidence was reassuring, but Suzaku wasn't sure where it came from. This _had_ to be new for Lelouch, even newer than it was for Suzaku. And yet when Lelouch grinned down at him, it was with the same assurance that he did anything he'd practiced before. He settled between Suzaku's legs and bent down to kiss him.

"Keep your eyes as open as possible for as long as possible," Lelouch said, popping open the lube bottle. "I want you to see me."

That would help remind Suzaku that this was Lelouch, not Zero. Which was what he wanted. "Love watching you."

Lelouch kissed him again. "I'm going to make this so good for you, Suzaku."

He was as true as his word. Suzaku spread his legs, immediately expecting Lelouch's attention to focus there, but Lelouch seemed willing to take his time, idly stroking the soft skin of Suzaku's hips and thighs, licking and nibbling his way over Suzaku's chest, even nuzzling against Suzaku's side, poking his nose into Suzaku's more ticklish spots and making him giggle.

It was playful as well as arousing, and Suzaku found himself smiling or laughing as often as groaning or panting, seeing Lelouch smile and laugh along with him. At one point, Lelouch had started stroking Suzaku to hardness, while still spending most of his attention on tracing the muscles of Suzaku's eight-pack, and Suzaku squirmed against the bed, getting oddly impatient.

"Lelouch…"

Lelouch looked up, refusing to remove his lips from Suzaku's body. "Hmm?"

"I'm ready, if you wanted to… you know… start."

Lelouch nipped the skin he was on before answering. "I thought I had."

He was going to make Suzaku say it. "I want you inside me."

"That's nice. I want to _be_ inside you."

Suzaku grit his teeth. "_Please_."

Lelouch's grin spread from ear to ear. "Well, since you asked so nicely…" The chill of the lube made Suzaku clench and gasp, making it that much harder for Lelouch to press a finger inside him. But he didn't hurry, and he didn't seem disappointed. "God, Suzaku…"

"Yeah…" Suzaku focused on his breathing, on letting the tension ease out of him. Zero had trained him for this. It wasn't long before Lelouch's finger was moving freely inside him, coating his insides with the slick lube. "Another…"

Lelouch laughed, his voice lower with desire, sending a familiar shiver up Suzaku's spine. "So impatient, love." More cool lube and the press of another finger distracted Suzaku from any questions he may have had, as his heels dug into the mattress. "More?"

"I'm ready."

"No, you're not." Lelouch bent down and kissed the top of Suzaku's cock and Suzaku nearly came right then and there. "I can make you come first, if you like."

Suzaku shook his head violently. "No. Want you inside me when I come."

"Alright, love. Just be patient for me."

Suzaku groaned, expecting more gentle torture, but Lelouch was obviously just as eager as he was, and dedicated his complete attention to stretching and preparing Suzaku properly. Suzaku writhed and panted and was _certain_ that he was ready now, but Lelouch kept going until he was satisfied, eventually (finally) reaching for the condom and putting it on.

That part seemed to take forever, with Lelouch's fingers still inside Suzaku but not moving as Lelouch bit his lip when the condom didn't work perfectly the first time.

"Upsidedown," Suzaku said, and Lelouch glared at him and flipped the condom over, rolling it easily over his erection.

"Almost there," Lelouch promised, taking his fingers out of Suzaku (who was at least expecting it and managed to bite back his whine) and slicking up his cock. "Ready?"

"_So_ ready," Suzaku assured him, bracing himself against the bed as Lelouch positioned himself.

When Lelouch hesitated, Suzaku thought he might scream. "If you want me to stop…"

"Yes, yes, 'cranes', I know," Suzaku snapped. "Get in me."

Lelouch chuckled. "Eager." And then he pressed against and into Suzaku, breaching him smoothly before stopping, breathing hard. "You good?"

Suzaku had never had anything nearly this big inside him. But he had managed to take in four fingers, and this wasn't nearly as much pressure as that. "Fine, good." It felt hot, where Lelouch's cock stretched him, but in a good way. "I can take more."

Lelouch took him at his word and pushed in more, gasping as Suzaku's body gave way to the pressure, seemingly pulling him in deeper. "Suzaku!"

"Lelouch," Suzaku groaned. "You feel so good. Please, more…"

Lelouch gave a quiet, helpless whimper and slammed into Suzaku, his restraint gone. Suzaku shouted at the ceiling, arching his back to take Lelouch in better, deeper, glorying in Lelouch's first loss of control. "_Yes_, harder, please…"

"Suzaku…" Lelouch pulled out and slammed back in, surprisingly strong and uncontrolled, and incredibly satisfying.

"So good… yes… more…" Suzaku couldn't stop the torrent of pleas and praise that tumbled past his lips, blurring together as Lelouch's thrusts sped up, as his palms, slick from lube and sweat, slipped on the bedsheets, causing Lelouch to nearly fall on top of Suzaku, as everything that had once made Lelouch seem cool and collected melted in the heat of their friction, turning Lelouch into a mindless rutting beast. He seemed as far from Suzaku's childhood friend as possible, and Suzaku felt near to bursting with love and desire for him.

"Touch yourself," Lelouch ground out as he braced himself on Suzaku's thigh for balance. "I want to see you."

Suzaku's hands fumbled for his cock, the instinctive, easy action made difficult by the way Lelouch rocked into him and the overwhelming sensation of being well and truly fucked. Lelouch growled his appreciated and sped up further, until the headboard was slamming rhythmically against the wall and Suzaku couldn't help but close his eyes against the flood of sensations that threatened to overwhelm him.

"Suzaku…"

Lelouch might have been about to order him to open his eyes, but hearing Lelouch say his name was enough to push Suzaku over the edge, as he clamped down on Lelouch's cock and came, arching his back so hard he could feel his spine strain. Lelouch fucked him through most of the orgasm, cresting just as Suzaku was finishing, leaving them soon a sweaty, sticky mess, wound together on Lelouch's bed, thoroughly sated.

Suzaku stroked Lelouch's hair. He'd come through on his promise in a big way. Suzaku had never felt quite so taken care of. And how, when he went to Zero, there was nothing Zero could take that Lelouch either hadn't already had, or had no interest in.

Lelouch hummed against Suzaku's skin. "You seem rather pleased with yourself."

"I really, really am," Suzaku said. "Aren't you?"

"Should I be?"

"Fishing for compliments?" Lelouch didn't deign to answer him. "Alright, then. That was amazing. I had no idea you had that kind of stamina."

"You're very inspiring," Lelouch murmured. "But now it's sleep time."

Suzaku smiled. "This is going to be miserable to clean in the morning."

"Sleep time."

"Good night."


	6. Flirting with Danger

It was with a light step that Suzaku returned to Zero two days later, certain now that he was prepared for whatever Zero had planned.

He wasn't.

Everything had changed. The chains were gone, the bed pushed to the side of the room and unmade, and a mat was set out on the floor, with the blindfold resting in the center. It wasn't a subtle set-up, but there didn't seem to be a clear reason behind it.

Still, there was no upside to starting off by disobeying the implied order. Suzaku stripped and put the blindfold on and then sat on the mat.

Sure enough, the moment he sat down, the door opened and Zero (presumably) walked in. "Hello, Suzaku."

Yup. "Zero." As far as Suzaku could tell, based on the clarity of Zero's voice, he hadn't entered with his mask on today. Interesting.

"Would you stand up, please?"

Suzaku stood. He tensed as he sensed Zero's approach, like a skittish horse. "What happened to the bed?"

"Hmm? Oh, nothing important. Arms out in front of your body, please."

Suzaku obeyed. "Wouldn't this be more comfortable… what are you doing?"

The slick smoothness of a soft rope grazed Suzaku's nipples as Zero wrapped it around his chest. He was still wearing his gloves, and the leather added to the impersonal, almost clinical feeling, of his touch. "You remember your safeword, do you not?"

"Yeah, but…"

"Use it when necessary. Otherwise, please cooperate. Place your arms behind your back, with your hands clasping your wrists."

Suzaku balked. "Look, weren't the chains enough?"

"Safeword or obedience, Suzaku." Zero sounded distracted, as if the rope thing was taking all his attention and focus.

It was a hard choice. On one hand, Suzaku felt completely off-balance, unnerved. On the other… this wasn't so different from the chains, and he wasn't about to use his safeword like a coward to run away from something that didn't even really bother him. He clasped his hands behind his back.

"Thank you."

Zero worked mostly in silence, binding Suzaku's arms to his torso, then his wrists to each other. Suzaku sat, cross-legged, when Zero asked him to sit, and tried not to squirm as Zero lashed his ankles together, keeping his knees spread.

Then Zero looped the rope over Suzaku's neck and tightened the restraints, pulling Suzaku down until he was bent with his head over his ankles. "What…"

"It's called _ebi-zeme_, a shrimp tie. Presumably because it's supposed to make you look like a shrimp." Zero sounded satisfied, admiring. "You don't. You look amazing."

"That's nice. Can I…" Zero interrupted Suzaku's question by grabbing a handful of his hair and forcing his head up, against the resistance of the rope, for a kiss.

It left Suzaku breathless and panting, from actual lack of air as opposed to ardour. "I can't breathe…"

"Yes, you can," Zero said, clearly trying to be reassuring, but the heavy desire in his voice sounded almost threatening. "Just relax and let your muscles tell you what to do."

Normally, that was easy for Suzaku. He'd been listening carefully to his body since he'd started training, and he'd been training for a long as he'd had a long-term memory. His shoulders loosened and he let his head loll as he breathed through his nose and out his mouth. The position added a little strain to his thighs, but he could catch his breath. Zero's gloved hand stroked over his hair, his shoulders, caressing Suzaku's skin along the lines of the ropes as he breathed.

"Very good, Suzaku. Very good." He sounded pleased and Suzaku relaxed further, despite the slow burn in his thighs and groin that was starting to build. "You're handling this beautifully." His hands went away and Suzaku swallowed the saliva that was building up in his mouth. At this angle, it would have been easier to drool, but Suzaku wasn't that far gone yet.

A soft tug at the back of his head, and the blindfold fell away. Suzaku blinked at the sudden light, brighter than he'd expected, and gingerly lifted his head.

Zero walked into view, masked and dressed in his usual outfit minus the cape, wielding a camera. "I do hope you'll take some of these home."

Suzaku tried to imagine Lloyd or Cecile or Euphy or Lelouch's reaction to finding a picture of him like this. "I don't think so." The effort of keeping his head up was straining his neck, but once Suzaku looked away from the camera he noticed something that made it worth it.

"Need any help with that?"

"Hmm?"

Suzaku grinned. "Either you have a pair of socks stuck down your pants, or you're _aching_ for me."

Zero nearly dropped the camera. Suzaku's grin sharpened into a smirk and he licked his lips.

"Suzaku…"

"Put your cock in my mouth."

Zero put the camera down on a nearby table. "It's not that I don't want to…" Suzaku knew full well why he was reluctant.

"I already know you're pasty white and painfully thin. Your dick's not going to give me any new information." Suzaku shifted restlessly in his bindings, the burning sensation deepening and spreading, but doing nothing to ease the arousal that was starting to harden his own cock. "If I wanted to find out your identity, this wouldn't be my method of choice."

Zero laughed. "True. I've given you far clearer hints." His gloved hands hovered over his crotch. "But what do _I_ get out of it?"

Suzaku stared incredulously. "You mean other than a blowjob?"

"Indeed."

"I…" Suzaku couldn't believe he was negotiating for this. "I'll look at the pictures with you."

Zero groaned and palmed himself, clearly liking that idea a lot. Suzaku's own cock hardened to full attention as he realized Zero was going to give in.

"Agreed."

Black hair, Suzaku noted before closing his eyes and taking in as much as possible. The strain and the position he was tied in made bobbing nearly impossible, but Zero took care of that for him, holding Suzaku's head lightly in place and thrusting at a good pace into Suzaku's mouth, shallow enough that Suzaku didn't choke, but deep enough that it forced drool and precum out the corners of Suzaku's mouth.

How had they gotten so practiced at this? Suzaku let his eyes flutter shut and moaned around Zero's cock, breathing deeply through his nose and silently willing Zero to go deeper, faster.

Instead, Zero pulled out and stroked himself hard, twice, before coming over Suzaku's face. Suddenly free, Suzaku's head fell forward, following the pull of the ropes, and he could feel Zero's spend landing in his hair, oozing down his forehead.

He couldn't swallow hard enough and breathe at the same time in this position, and he watched as saliva and thicker fluids dripped onto his bound ankles and feet.

Above him, Zero caught his own breath. "Do you want to be untied, or do you want me to make you come like that?"

As much as Suzaku's cock ached for attention, he could tell that if the pressure and numbness between his legs lasted much longer he'd be useless tomorrow. "Untie me, please."

He sighed in relief as Zero loosened the loop around his neck, lifting it over his head. His shoulders cracked as he straightened them, but other than their stiffness, they seemed fine. It was his legs Suzaku worried about, still burning with an odd numbing sensation spreading around his buttocks.

Zero trailed a finger over the inside of Suzaku's thighs. "Does this feel normal to you?"

It felt like Zero was stroking him with lightning. "No." Suzaku's cock leaked, belying that monosyllabic answer, and Zero hesitated. "Please, Zero…"

"I'm sorry." Zero's braced himself and leaned forward, his free hand wrapping around Suzaku's cock. "I can't… I need to…"

Suzaku's legs and arms were still bound, but his head was free to fly back, shouting at the ceiling as Zero's firm touch felt like a thousand pins and needles playing over the most sensitive parts of his body. It felt more like pain than pleasure, but that didn't stop him from spilling over Zero's black leather as Zero's hand worked him relentlessly, with Suzaku helpless to stop him.

Spent, in more ways that one, Suzaku toppled forward onto Zero's shoulder, aching and breathing as Zero whispered apologies and worked the ropes around Suzaku's legs and arms undone, until he could lay Suzaku out on the mat.

"I couldn't resist, you looked so… I'm sorry."

Suzaku wanted to tell him not to be, it was good in its way, and he'd untied him like he'd promised. Mostly. But he still couldn't feel his legs properly, except when they twitched hard enough against the mat to jar his body, and his arms felt weak. He felt strung out and vulnerable, and he wanted…

"Kiss me."

There was a short pause. "Close your eyes."

Suzaku obediently shut his eyes and within moments he felt Zero's lips against his, tender and sweet, and he sighed and parted his lips, letting the kiss deepen as he ran his fingers through Zero's hair.

"If I'd wanted your identity," Suzaku whispered against Zero's lips, "_this_ is how I'd do it."

Zero froze and Suzaku let his hand drop, allowing Zero to make whatever move he chose.

"Straightforward, unsubtle, and yet somehow treacherous. I can see it."

Suzaku smirked. "You fell for it."

"I did." Zero kissed both Suzaku's closed eyes. "And you have me at your mercy. So, Suzaku, what can I offer in return that you would keep your lovely eyes closed for me?"

He sounded peeved, but not overly upset. Suzaku hadn't really thought this out. Demanding the kiss had been impulsive, and realizing the position Zero had put himself in had just fed that impulse. But now that he had the advantage, he had no idea how to proceed.

"A favour."

"What kind?"

Suzaku shrugged, pleased at how easy it had become to do so. Barely an ache at all. "How important is keeping your identity a secret?"

Zero hesitated. "Good point. Very well, then, I'll agree to anything short of murder."

"Who the hell do you think–" Suzaku's indignant question was cut off by Zero's kiss, and even feeling Zero laughing against him wasn't enough to ruin the moment. He'd gotten one over Zero, and hadn't had to compromise his ethics or his desires for it.

Zero pulled away. "You can open your eyes now." He had replaced the mask.

Suzaku let his eyelashes flutter slightly, and he smiled dreamily up at Zero, who just snorted. "Yes, you're very pretty. Can you sit up?"

With some stiffness and a hand from Zero, Suzaku could. The numbness was turning into the tingling sensation that usually followed it, and the burning had almost completely gone away. Zero lifted his head, the mask pointing somewhere over Suzaku's shoulder, and Suzaku took a guess.

"I can probably make it to the bed."

He had to lean on Zero, which was mostly weird in that it wasn't all that weird, having his naked flesh pressed against Zero's costume. The material felt better than Suzaku expected, like it was made from some high-end material like silk or something. Suzaku flopped down on the bed, ignoring the way his sticky hair scratched against the mattress, and stretched.

After a short time, the bed dipped behind him, and a pale arm draped over his side, holding a camera. "Don't turn around."

Zero had taken his mask off. Again. Like he was… tempting Suzaku? Trying to get him to break his word?

Suzaku wasn't about to fall for that. He settled his back against Zero's chest and angled the camera so that the image viewer showed up for him.

Zero started at the beginning, with a picture of Suzaku's back. "Do you see?"

Suzaku frowned. He tried to see it from Zero's point of view, ignoring the fact that it was _him_ in the picture and trying to admire the artistic bindings and deep redness of the rope pressed against skin.

He couldn't. "I don't get it."

"The way your back is angled," Zero explained impatiently. "The arc of your neck, the…" he flipped to one of Suzaku's front. "The play of your muscles, the restrained strength, the contrasting colours, the way it outlines your pecs, your groin…"

"It just looks uncomfortable," Suzaku said. "It felt uncomfortable too."

Zero sighed. "You didn't like it."

"Not really." Suzaku felt weirdly apologetic. "But. Um. Thanks for thinking of me?"

Zero kissed Suzaku's shoulder. "I'll find something you like."

"I'm sure." Suzaku reached over and took the camera out of Zero's hands. "What's this?"

After the pictures, there was a video. Zero made a confused noise from behind Suzaku, seemingly equally curious. Suzaku pressed 'play'.

_"It's not that I don't want to…"_

A laugh, mostly of surprise, escaped Suzaku's lips. "You accidentally hit 'record' when you put the camera down."

"And it's angled very… opportunely."

It was. It was far enough away to get Suzaku's entire bound body in frame with about two feet above his head, and just offside enough that when Zero finally gave in and moved towards Suzaku, opening his pants as he did so, Suzaku's mouth and his cock were both clearly visible.

The sound wasn't ideal, both Zero and Suzaku were too far away, but the picture quality was…

"I want this."

"As your favour?"

The Suzaku in the camera moaned, a slightly tinny sound. And Suzaku's mouth dried up. "No, you said I could."

"Pictures, I said." Zero sound calm, but Suzaku could feel how much he was being affected, either by the scene playing out for them, or the idea of Suzaku wanting it for himself.

Suzaku stopped the video and grabbed Zero's hand, pressing a kiss to the palm. "Please."

"Mmm… only if you do something for me," Zero said. "Lie back with your eyes closed and your legs spread."

Suzaku grinned. Apparently, Zero had been more affected than he'd thought. "Deal." He closed his eyes and flipped over, pleased at how smoothly his body responded to him. He probably wouldn't have much more than a few lingering aches by tomorrow. Zero reached over and placed the camera on one of the bedside tables before fitting himself between Suzaku's legs and grinding against him, one hand between their bodies, working their cocks, the other braced beside Suzaku's head as he leaned over to kiss him.

It was good. The friction, the kissing, the way Suzaku was free to wrap his legs around Zero's hips, his arms around Zero's back. It felt familiar, despite the fact that they'd never actually done anything like this, and Suzaku buried one hand in Zero's soft straight hair while the other slid over Zero's arched back and thin hip to join him in jerking them off.

"Suzaku…" Zero, normally almost silent, seemed unable to suppress his voice. "You feel so… ooh…" Suzaku kissed him hard and tightened his grip, getting firm friction with every pull and driving Zero over the edge with a twist of his wrist. Zero's breath caught and he slumped against Suzaku, still moving just enough to give Suzaku the friction he needed.

"Love you."

The soft endearment, tender and heartfelt, had Suzaku arching as he came, biting back, oddly enough, _Lelouch_'s name. They lay there for a moment longer, and Zero kissed Suzaku one last time, getting up rather than addressing what either of them had said or almost said.

"Wait." Zero's steps never faltered and Suzaku sat up. This couldn't just be left at that, as if nothing had changed. "_Wait_!" Zero had said he'd loved him.

That made him dangerous.

Suzaku opened his eyes just as the door closed, leaving nothing but the impression of a tall, thin, pale man with black hair. All things Suzaku already knew. Suzaku cursed, and cursed again when he noticed the camera missing.

Had he said Lelouch's name, or not? He wasn't sure. He thought he'd cut it off soon enough, but if Zero was in love with him and knew about Lelouch…

Suzaku got up as quickly as he could. Zero would surely have to at least _find_ Lelouch before he could do anything, so the best thing to do would be to shower, dress, and then spend every possible moment guarding Lelouch.

When he came out of the shower, there was a flash drive waiting on his clothing, along with a note.

_I would never do anything to endanger our fragile relationship. I promise you, you and your lover have nothing to fear from me._

_Also, I still owe you that favour. Don't forget._

_With my love, and all that entails, _  
_Zero_

Suzaku wasn't sure he felt more relieved, but he'd trusted Zero since this had started, as strange as that sounded, and he couldn't mistrust him now. Zero could have ignored it, instead, he'd tried to assure Suzaku of his intentions. He'd never lied, as far as Suzaku knew, despite being an underhanded sneak. Would he lie now?

Suzaku put the flash drive and the note in his pocket and left.


	7. Coming to Terms

It was three days before Lelouch caught on to Suzaku guarding him like he'd guarded Euphy, and he wasn't pleased about it.

"You've _got_ to have better things to do with your time," Lelouch groused. "If you keep following me around and looking at me like that, people are going to seriously misinterpret our relationship."

"How?"

Lelouch glowered. "You look at me like I'm _yours_. You're all full of machismo and alpha-male-ness, and it's hot in its way, but it's making me look like your…"

Suzaku winced. "I'm sorry. I had no idea…"

"It's fine. Just… stop."

Suzaku couldn't tell Lelouch why he needed to do this. He couldn't let him know that he'd endangered his life through a slip-up while sleeping with Zero. It was too much.

"I'll try not to make you feel like a piece of meat."

Lelouch smiled, a little exasperated, but mostly fond. "That's all I ask."

Except it wasn't. He also asked for time alone while they were at his house, telling Suzaku that he was still clinging too hard. Suzaku agreed, given no choice, and walked the perimeter before returning inside with nothing to do.

The flash drive in his pocket felt like it was burning a hole through the cloth. He hadn't had time to view it, due to trailing behind Lelouch like an overprotective boyfriend, and with nothing else to do, the only thing stopping him was his self-restraint.

He managed to go five minutes bored out of his mind before booting up Lelouch's laptop.

The first thing that Suzaku noticed was that the sound was so much better from the computer than from the camera.

Suzaku looked around for earphones as he and Zero bantered for a bit, giving up when he heard himself moaning around Zero's cock. It was amazing to watch, the care with which Zero fucked his face, the way Suzaku strained against his limits, looking for more. For a moment, it looked like Zero was going to lose control, take what he wanted from Suzaku, and then he pulled out and came over Suzaku's face with a deep groan, jerking himself empty as Suzaku bowed his head and took it.

_"Do you want to be untied, or do you want me to make you come like that?"_

Suzaku smirked at the computer screen. Not a real choice, as Zero proved by stopping mid-way through releasing Suzaku to jerk him off.

It was a little embarrassing how eager Suzaku looked. He couldn't really blame Zero for trying to give him something he seemed to want so badly.

But clearly Zero could blame himself. _"I couldn't resist, you looked so… I'm sorry."_

"Onii-sama?"

Suzaku yelped and slammed down the lid of the laptop. "Nunnally! You… you're home."

"Oh, Suzaku-san." Nunnally smiled. "I thought I heard Lelouch."

"We're taking some time apart. I think he's in the kitchen?"

"Thank you." Suzaku breathed out a sigh of relief as Nunnally left, getting up to close the door behind her. That could have been embarrassing.

He turned the computer back on and resumed where he'd left off. It was a little weird, how Nunnally had thought she'd heard Lelouch…

_"Close your eyes."_

Suzaku's brain stopped as he watched Zero reach up to remove his mask. He'd forgotten about this, about how he'd wanted comfort enough to ask for a kiss and Zero had accepted, and…

_"If I'd wanted your identity, this is how I'd do it."_

Suzaku pressed pause and stared at the surprised expression on the face that was kissing him on the video, the face of the man wearing Zero's outfit. The face of Zero.

"Ah. Right. So…"

Suzaku turned around slowly, looking into the unapologetic violet eyes that adorned that same face, gazing at him in real life less than three paces away.

"I can explain. Mostly." Lelouch bit his lower lip. "At least don't kill me while Nunnally's two rooms away?"

If Suzaku had been able to speak, he might have said 'It's tempting', or 'Shall I ask her to step out?', or any number of vaguely threatening things. But he couldn't. All he could do was stare as Lelouch entered the room, closing the door securely behind himself, and sat down on the bed.

"Suzaku, please," Lelouch said, his calm finally cracking. "Say something."

It took two tries, but Suzaku managed to get something out.

"By the authority of the Britannian Military and Princess Euphemia, I am placing you under arrest on numerous counts of terrorism and murder."

Lelouch just rolled his eyes. "No you're not."

"You're wanted–"

"I _was_ wanted. Now I'm just a – literally – faceless bureaucrat. I'd be more valuable as Lelouch vi Britannia if you wanted to drag someone in."

Suzaku glared. "I'll tell Nunnally. And Euphy…"

"Euphy knows," Lelouch said evenly. "It's how she sold me on the Special Area Zone. And if you tell Nunnally, I'll find a way to kill you, even if it means ripping my own heart out."

Suzaku laughed. "Of course. Because what's a happy family, what's a sister and a lover and friends against your fucking _revenge_." Lelouch flinched, and Suzaku realized he'd hit a nerve. "That's what this was all about, wasn't it? All that high-flying rhetoric about Japan and justice, and all you really wanted was to stick it to your dad."

"Figuratively," Lelouch said snidely, and it took Suzaku a moment to get it.

"You _bastard_. I've lived with that for nearly half my life. You don't get to turn it into a _punchline_." It had been bad enough when Zero… when _Lelouch_ had tried to use it as a recruitment tool.

"Well, if we're sharing each other's secrets, perhaps I'll let Nunnally and Euphy in on that little piece of trivia as well. How 'Suzaku the Self-Sacrificing; killed his own father…"

"Euphy knows," Suzaku repeated Lelouch's words back to him and they stared at each other.

Lelouch broke the tension with a small laugh. "Damn, that girl's good."

"I know, right?" Suzaku huffed. "So this is why she did everything? Because you're Zero and she didn't want you and Cornelia to fight?"

Lelouch shrugged. "I thought so, at first, but she said it was for Nunnally. Because it's what Nunnally would want. And all she wanted was to make Nunnally happy."

Suzaku wondered if Lelouch had noticed how many times he'd said Nunnally's name in that short speech. "I'm not going to do anything to you. You can stop reminding me about Nunnally."

Lelouch flushed a little. "I didn't expect you to notice."

And why shouldn't he? It wasn't as if Suzaku had noticed the multiple hints Lelouch-as-Zero had dropped, or even the hints that Lelouch dropped as himself, as if he'd wanted Suzaku to find out. They used the same turns of phrases, their voices were identical when they were aroused, the glimpses of Zero's body, the way he felt, the way he smelled… It was as if Lelouch had planned for this 'slip-up', or at least hoped for something like it.

"I thought you were Zero, before," Suzaku said. "After Kanime. But I talked myself out of it after seeing Kirihara and Toudou with you. I thought they'd told you… Zero about my father. But they didn't, did they?"

"Toudou would never betray you like that," Lelouch said softly.

"No, but _you_…" Suzaku bit off his anger. It wouldn't help. "Were you always Zero?"

"Yes."

Suzaku couldn't believe that. "So Shirley's father… Narita… Prince Clovis? That was all you?"

"Yes."

"How? How could you do that?"

Lelouch looked away. "It was surprisingly easy. You've killed for the military, you must know how it is. This is for the greater good, they deserved it, I'm actually saving lives…"

"Justifications."

"Exactly." Lelouch shrugged. "Clovis was hard, I admit. Despite the fact that he was willing to murder thousands of innocents to cover up an embarrassment, he was once my brother, and he was the first person I ever…"

"But not the last."

"Not by far. I'm sorry about Shirley's father, but that was mostly an accident. I've learned to be more careful, more exact. And as for the Britannian soldiers I've killed, the Japanese rebels I've sent to their deaths, they were inevitable. This isn't the kind of world that you can change by talking and begging, Suzaku. The only reason the SAZ was accepted was the threat of the Black Knights, and the only reason it's worked so well is because of our cooperation."

Suzaku snorted. "The greater good."

"It's not ideal," Lelouch said. "Not for me, anyway. You're right that I'm not doing this just for Japan. I wanted to use Japan for my own ends, to find out who killed my mother and make them pay." That was news to Suzaku, he'd had no idea Lelouch was still dwelling on that. "But that's next to impossible now, with the SAZ in place. I gave that up."

"For Euphy?"

Lelouch smiled. "Not exactly. For you, Suzaku."

"For… me?"

Lelouch looked acutely uncomfortable. "You've never had a home, not since the war started. Nunnally and I were lucky to find the Ashfords, but you couldn't. Not with your guilt hanging over your head." Suzaku opened his mouth to protest, but Lelouch raised his had to forestall him. "I know about it. About how the Sumeragi family offered you a place, how you turned them down and joined the military. I know you've been running and hiding and how _exhausted_ you must be by now."

"You don't know anything."

Lelouch bit his lip. "I know you set yourself an impossible goal, to work with Britannia to free Japan, knowing you'd likely never make it past the rank of Sergeant. I know you've placed yourself in dangerous and suicidal positions because you care nothing for your own life. I know that you've kept me and Nunnally at arm's length to protect us." Lelouch raised his eyes to meet Suzaku's. "And I know that most of that stopped when you became Euphy's Knight. She helped you, comforted you. And I thought that if she stayed, if she oversaw the SAZ, you could find a home with her."

That was true, mostly. Suzaku had felt honoured and loved being at Princess Euphemia's side, but it had also been another burden of responsibility that he'd had to shoulder. It hadn't actually stopped him from putting himself in harm's way, but it had added to the list of justifications for doing so. As hopeful and happy as he'd been with Euphy, the thing that had stopped him working towards his own death had happened after.

After Zero.

Suzaku's eyes narrowed "So you agreed to the SAZ to keep me with Euphy?" Lelouch nodded. "And then you ordered me into your bed. That seems a little counterproductive, doesn't it?"

Lelouch flushed. "I didn't… I never expected it would get that far. I thought I'd tease you, play a little, and then you'd be more open, more vulnerable. I was hoping to get the feel of the Britannian delegates from you, what they actually wanted. Maybe some warning if Schneizel or someone planned a surprise visit. And… and I wanted to spend some time with you. I didn't want to let you go."

"That's not what happened."

Lelouch swallowed and looked away again. "I knew I could never have you. But Zero… And you liked it! You wanted it…"

"What? I didn't… my _body_ might have wanted it, but I never…"

"You came back! Even after I insinuated that the SAZ was stable, even after you started seeing me, Lelouch, you still came back! You _wanted_ it." Lelouch leaned forward, more intent on making Suzaku believe this than he had when telling Suzaku about his regrets as Zero. "I gave you every possible out – I stopped when you told me to, I checked _constantly_ to make sure you were okay, I did everything you asked, even when it put me in danger…"

"You really believe that, don't you?" Suzaku asked incredulously. "You coerced me into your bedroom and you really think you gave me a choice."

"_I_ had no choice!" Lelouch yelled. "You wouldn't even look me in the eye, and I'd lost everything to Euphy and her good intentions, and she didn't even know she was taking it, and I gave it all up, but I couldn't lose _you_." Lelouch's voice broke and Suzaku realized he was crying. Which was so wrong – even broken and bleeding, Lelouch never cried. "I gave up so much, more than anyone knows, but it was worth it because…"

Because he had Suzaku. He'd said that, as Zero and possibly as himself if Suzaku was remembering correctly. It was just another burden, like being Euphy's Knight, but Suzaku couldn't deny that it made him feel wanted. Needed.

And Lelouch needed him now.

He crossed the room and cupped Lelouch's face in his hands, wiping the silent tears that glittered on Lelouch's cheeks away with his thumbs. "Don't cry."

"I'm not crying." Lelouch glared at him, still red-faced and damp-cheeked, but under more control. "What are you doing anyway, comforting the enemy…"

Suzaku cut him off with a kiss, all his frustration and adrenaline turned into an odd kind of exasperated lust. "Why can't you ever be honest and straightforward about things?"

"Why can't you ever be honest and thoughtful about things?" Lelouch returned, but it was missing the bite of anger. "I'm not the only liar here."

No, but he was the only… Suzaku's mind shied away from any term that described what Lelouch had done. It wasn't entirely accurate, and it might not have even been entirely fair (or it may have been Suzaku making excuses), and mostly Suzaku had to concede Lelouch's point and avoid thinking about it for his own comfort.

Instead, he pushed Lelouch down on the bed, settling between his legs and kissing him more intently. Lelouch went easily, even eagerly, his hands working on the fastenings of Suzaku's shirt as Suzaku unbuttoned his.

"Is this…" Lelouch gasped as Suzaku sucked at his throat. "Are we done fighting?"

Suzaku hummed against his throat and pulled back, opening Lelouch's shirt and smoothing over the perfect skin of his chest.

Lelouch trembled beneath him. "Don't be tender with me. I don't think I could stand it right now."

Suzaku frowned. He wasn't sure if this counted as make up sex, since he wasn't sure they were actually making up (or if they _could_, considering what had happened) but he refused to let it turn into angry sex. "This time, Lelouch, you'll take whatever _I_ give _you_."

Lelouch's eyes flashed once, rebelliously, and then he closed them. He was still trembling, and his body reacted every time Suzaku touched him, but he kept quiet, as if punishing Suzaku for his demand by withholding his voice.

Suzaku just saw that as a challenge.

He kept his touch light, gently caressing Lelouch's skin before bending down and kissing him. He rested his fingers against the pulse in Lelouch's neck, feeling it fluttering like a trapped bird's wings, as his mouth moved over Lelouch's chest, down towards his abdomen.

"So soft," Suzaku murmured, sliding his hands down Lelouch's sides until they rested in the dip of his waist as his mouth travelled down. "So sweet." He dipped his tongue into Lelouch's bellybutton and Lelouch ached against him, his breath gasping, but still he remained silent.

Very well, then. Suzaku would have to up his game. But he couldn't help lingering a moment, lavishing attention on the places that made Lelouch's muscles quiver and clench, before allowing his hands to move to the front of Lelouch's pants.

They were definitely straining at the crotch, but they were still dry. Suzaku unzipped them and let Lelouch's cock free, tugging down his pants and underwear when Lelouch helpfully lifted his hips. "Thank you."

Lelouch made a small disgruntled sound and looked away. Suzaku wasn't willing to count that in his favour.

Not just yet.

He ignored Lelouch's erection, hard and wanting, and nuzzled at the soft skin of the join between his legs and his groin. He had to bite back a groan of his own at the scent – how could he have ever thought Zero and Lelouch weren't the same person when all his senses screamed at him that they were?

He was rewarded with hands in his hair, gripping, tugging, insistent and demanding. Suzaku smiled and lifted Lelouch's hips, tenderly kissing and suckling at the sensitive testicles and skin under Lelouch's cock.

The hands in his hair tightened, and Suzaku was finally rewarded for his efforts. "Suzaku!"

Suzaku grinned and looked up, loving how desperate Lelouch looked. "Yes?"

"Please, just… please…" He didn't seem to be able to get anything else out, but Suzaku took pity on him and let Lelouch move him where he wanted him.

It wasn't where Suzaku expected. Once again completely bypassing Lelouch's cock, Suzaku was dragged all the way up Lelouch's body until they were kissing again, moving against each other despite the fact that it had to be more painful than pleasurable for Lelouch to rub his bare cock on Suzaku's pants.

Lelouch fixed that quickly, though, releasing Suzaku once they were kissing in order to undo his pants, fishing Suzaku's own cock out and pumping him with more enthusiasm and eagerness than technique.

Suzaku gasped against Lelouch's lips and reached down to return the favour, still trying to be as gentle as possible as he raced with him towards completion. He wasn't sure which one of them came first, but it didn't really matter. Once Lelouch was pliant and soft under him again, Suzaku switched their positions and held Lelouch against him, letting everything else ease away.

Lelouch idly traced patterns on Suzaku's skin, his eyes downcast and solemn. Suzaku wasn't sure what to say to him, after everything that had happened, compounded by what they'd just done. Maybe they could keep things on this level – sex without emotion. Lelouch-as-Zero had been happy enough with that, willing to concede an unrequited love in return for mutually satisfactory sex.

No, even more than that, at first he hadn't even seemed to care about it being mutual. All that had mattered was getting Suzaku off. In fact, the first time he'd gotten off first, he'd seemed a little uncomfortable, unsure of himself.

Lelouch was probably, as far as he could, telling the truth. He'd done everything he could to make sure Suzaku was happy and fulfilled, without demanding either reciprocity or any emotional returns. The way he'd done it had been messed up, but…

Well, that was Lelouch. Selfish and stubborn and always thinking he knew better than anyone else. And maybe he did; it had been months since Suzaku had felt the usual suicidal urges that had plagued him through his adolescence. Maybe that was Lelouch/Zero, and maybe it wasn't, but the timing was suspicious. Had Lelouch cured him by forcing him as Zero?

The idea was ludicrous. But Suzaku couldn't let go of the image of Lelouch crying in frustration over the thought of losing him, he couldn't deny that the loss of control had been every bit as soothing and important as the release of the sex itself. And the cuddling after, what Suzaku had initially thought had just been a sort of mockery and taunting torment, was something he craved now, every bit as much as the bondage and the sex.

He'd thought that Lelouch wouldn't have been able to give those things to him. Once again, he'd underestimated Lelouch's willingness to do whatever it took to keep those he loved happy, however they needed to be happy.

"I don't hate you."

The look of hope in Lelouch's eyes was painfully strong, too much of a reaction for him not to have considered it a possibility.

"I don't hate you, and I'm still in love with… 'Lelouch'… but I still think I need Zero."

Lelouch nodded. "Do you think you could ever love Zero?"

Suzaku shook his head. "Things aren't like that between us. And I don't think I'm ready for them to change."

"Alright." Lelouch sounded oddly pleased. "Then we'll keep the weekly appointments?"

_Chains, blindfolds, surprises_… "For now."

Lelouch chuckled and Suzaku knew that he hadn't quite managed to hide how much he was looking forward to them. "Ah, would you prefer me to tell you what I have planned? I don't think you liked last time…"

"I didn't hate it," Suzaku said. "It was just a little… much." Lelouch looked like he wanted to apologize, but Suzaku hushed him with a finger to his lips. "And, no. I'd rather be surprised. After all, you know me so well, and I always have that safeword."

"You do." Lelouch seemed satisfied with that.

There was just one more thing. "Remember that favour?"

"Hmm? Ah, yes. Have you thought of something?"

Suzaku nodded. "I want to tell Euphy everything." Lelouch made a face. "Not in detail! Just about us being together and knowing that you're Zero and everything. I'm not sure if what I need from Zero is actually… healthy, and I want someone to talk to if I need it."

"I'm not so sure I want my little sister to know I'm into BDSM," Lelouch groused. "Even if it's really only for your sake."

"You said anything," Suzaku reminded him.

Lelouch sighed. "Alright. But nothing to Nunnally!"

Suzaku tried to imagine explaining _any_ of this to Nunnally. He shuddered. "Agreed."

OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO  
OoO-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-OoO

Notes:

Okay, so. First off, I'm not sure if BDSM really applies here, since Lelouch/Zero was applying BDSM rules as much as he could, including aftercare, but he never got Suzaku's actual non-coerced consent, and consent is such a huge part of BDSM (or it should be) that I'm not sure this counts. But it does fit the _trope_ of fictional BDSM, so I kept it. Also, Zero isn't actually a very good dom – he doesn't go over boundaries or limits with Suzaku before trying new things. It's one thing if 'surprise me' is a negotiated thing; it's another if it's sprung on the sub without discussion.

Secondly, the infidelity/polyamory is another weird one. I can't even explain which is more appropriate, if either, but I figured if it bugged people, there are enough flavours of it here that it's worth the warning. I personally don't think Suzaku _can_ cheat on Zero, since their relationship is coercive, and Lelouch is aware of Suzaku's 'other' lover, which personally voids the infidelity to me. And Lelouch and Zero are the same person, so polyamory? Not so much. But there are vibes.

Thirdly, Lelouch did not fuck Suzaku into mental health, despite what Suzaku thinks. He's still as screwed up as ever, only he's no longer suicidal. Why? That awful _Live_ Geass thrumming through Suzaku's veins. The timing is mostly a coincidence – Suzaku's actually not been suicidal since Kamine, he just didn't notice it until after.

Finally, Suzaku's acceptance of everything is a personal choice he made. Sometimes victims chose to stay with their abusers, especially if there's history. Whether this (fictional) relationship constitutes abuse is certainly up for (fictional) interpretation, but even if it does, Suzaku's choice to stay with Lelouch isn't forgiveness or an endorsement of what he went through, it's just moving on.

P.S. Euphy is a brilliant bad-ass, and no one can convince me otherwise.


End file.
